I was never actually sure what the term "some kinda way" really meant; I'm still not sure there is one accepted meaning. I've heard it in a handful of different contexts. But nonetheless, I've found someone that I feel "some kinda way" about. I'm still not really sure how it even happened. I'm usually the dude making fun of "sucker for love" ass dudes, calling em soft or simps. They get open all early, start spending crazy money, jumping through hoops and end up having a woman walk all over them. Let's be clear, I'll never again be a simp, but I'm in a position that's very odd to me right now. This blog is based on displaying the many layers of myself (jock, nerd, musichead, goon, moralist, conspiracy theorist, etc); but noone knew I had an inner romantic, NOT EVEN ME. I feel like one of those dudes in the corny commercials for ED or something.
I've been dating this woman 2-3 months...I repeat, only 2-3 fucking months... and I'm so blown away that I'm doing things I typically don't do. I've seen so many women use titles to try to control (and at times, terrorize) their men, I've been very careful giving the "girlfriend" title away. We clicked so fast, she had it in a matter of weeks. I've been very anti- long distance relationship because I hated the possibility of being lonely in a relationship. She lives 4 hours away and somehow keeps me company and infatuated anyway; it helps that its driving distance and we see each other every other week. I've always been opposed to letting women leave stuff at my house, her bridesmaid dress and earrings have been here for weeks and I don't mind at all. One time she was here for some days straight, I handed her my spare key so she can come and go as she pleases without even thinking about it; that has never happened previously. I always believed you needed to be serious and deep in before meeting the family; she met mine in less than a month, I met hers a week later. I've since met her best friend, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I spent all day Easter (church, brunch, dinner) with them. Be reminded, I'm in month 3. I let her plan out MY birthday weekend. Think about that for a minute. I was reading old (like 08) stuff she wrote on her computer to learn more about her and found myself slightly bitter wishing I was the only guy she'd ever had memories with...these actions and thoughts were all previously no-nos. We're acting like we've been together for a year when I hadn't met her when the calender for 2013 changed. I've met and spent time with so many wonderful, beautiful talented women who I truly cared (in some cases, still care) for and was somewhat "hooked on" at some point. It was absolutely nothing like this. That shouldn't be seen as a poor reflection on the women of the past because I cherish my time and experiences with them. But I've hit something uncontrollable in this case; things took off faster than I could've imagined. The word I constantly use is "scary" because I was truly petrified at how quickly things progressed. The old me is still in the back of my mind saying "Slow down homie, how you know she's not playing you? Don't be like some of your boys" But it's like I can't stop. As my friend would say "I've never seen two non-desperate intelligent and attractive people gravitate to each other as fast as you two did."
She has a combination of factors that are somewhat like voodoo to me; it's not the big things - although she is beautiful, intelligent, open-minded, has a nice shape, and a great personality - it's the small things. She's an PhD student who I can talk about all my inner nerd interests with; she's as into some of them as me (we can watch HGTV together all day long). She did something that noone has been able to do for me in years; she made me feel so special on my birthday. She bought me an amazing watch (one of my addictions), she had her family (most of whom I'd only met once/twice before Easter) to make me a lemon birthday cake complete with candles and singing "Happy Birthday". I'm humorous, I'm pretty good at making people laugh, it's a bonus when I'm dating someone who can truly truly make me laugh back. She can make me laugh until my stomach hurts. When I'm having a rough day, she can make all the troubles melt away with just a kiss, a smile, a rub on the back of my head, and a little singing to me; she has an angelic singing voice. In the past, my preferred stress relief method has been slow head; she doesn't even have to. To be clear, slow head is still highly appreciated though; I'm still a man after all. As happy as I am in my relationship, daily I ask myself, "how did this happen to me?" I'm not sappy, I don't commit early. When I've been into a wonderful lady, I often think of them throughout the day. But here I am, going to bed and waking up thinking about this woman. She makes me wanna be better to make sure I deserve her. I see beautiful women while I'm out and say in my mind "Wow, she is gorgeous...she ain't got it like my girl though". I've never truly been in love so I don't know where the line is. But I'm in uncharted waters and I'm hoping I can swim instead of sinking. But even as I'm flailing trying to stay afloat, I'm not sure I've ever been happier.
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