Friday, November 19, 2010

Do Better: Tony MFin Parker

First of all, I'd like to thank u Mr. Parker. Since entering Malaysia, I haven't had enough opportunities to express justified buffoonery at someone's expense. I appreciate u handing me the fuel for such a rant.

Just like whatever photo shoot this gay lookin picture of u came from, u've had a tremendous fail (Does he even have on pants, looks like he's waiting for the dude from "Scared Straight" to come back to his jail cell and reclaim his manhood again). In one day you, William Anthony "Tony" Parker have earned a certain level on scandalous infamy and I don't mean that in no nice way. After 7 years married to Eva Longoria, she's filing divorce because she caught u cheating with ur teammate Brent Barry's wife? This shit is Sub Zero cold blooded on so many levels. We, the general public, have seen our fair share of young male celebrities (we'll focus on athletes for now) forced into divorce because they too loose with the dick. That's nothing new. But in most cases - Michael Jordan, Shaq, Tiger Woods, etc - they lost a chick who is replaceable to a certain extent. In all of the cases just mentioned, their wives were fairly everyday attractive women without 'big-time' jobs or names of their own. Each was Mrs. [insert athlete name] and their notoriety was inevitably attached to them. U fucked it up with Eva Longoria? I should fly to San Antonio and politely slap the shit out of u; I will know I have completed my task when my hand is broken. Dwyane Wade moved from his wife to Gabby Union. Not saying it's ok to step out on ur wife, but he did very well for himself. Rumor is Shaq is now engaged to Hoopz; she ain't Gabby Union, but once again I'm not necessarily mad at him (he better keep his eye on that broad too though). U lost Eva Longoria, not some chick just lusting to be Mrs. Tony Parker and benefit from the credit upgrade. What was the upside, what was the gain? With the hectic schedule of a professional athlete, one of their biggest marital problems is that their wives don't have their own lives. They hire nannies to watch their kids so they can go out and shop with his money and drink with their friends. U didn't have that problem, she got her own life and her own money. So even if u feel u had to cheat (which I will go on record and say I don't condone), u got opportunity cuz she got her own business. She not sitting at home going "Practice ended 45 minutes ago, where is he? I'm gonna go check his computer." But u cheat in a situation that's easy to blow up? C'Mon Son. She better have been pretty terrible in bed for u to step out with a chick in a situation where ur marriage and team credibility are now in shambles. U have just joined Delonte "Mother Fucking (literally)" West as teammates who should not be invited any team function that doesn't take place in the locker room or basketball court. U ain't coming to dinner at my house to meet my fam. Hell, I don't know if we can get drinks after practice if u doing niggas dirty like that. U've become that "Yeah he can ball, but I don't fuck wit him" dude. After the season, Brent Barry should drop kick u in the chest and retire if he hasn't already. Unless u got a young hot actress/singer as ur Ace in the Hole and think u can win more rings with ur teammates givin u the side eye (not to mention opposing fans bringing signs and making chants), u made the wrong choice on a few different fronts. Luckily since she's got bread, u won't have to pay her too much. Just don't go get some cute waitress who's gonna quit her job to get busy spending the balance of what u don't have to pay Eva. Do Better...