My Inner Goon: Ignant Thoughts Sept 27th

Some days, ss I sit at work, My Inner Goon takes over for a while. I start thinking of porn, the crazy ads on the sides of any website with even mildly sexual pictures on it, my sexual experiences and more and start thinking;these are some of the things that are running through my mind:

• How terribly small does your dick have to be for you to need the 4-6 inch male enhancement that they advertise in the commercials? Are there that many men out there with a Vienna Sauage for a dick? Shameful.
• Since the invention of sex, how many potential kids have been wasted via condoms, pull outs, cumshots, swallowers, anal creampies, masturbation and other non-conceiving disposals? The number is probably astronomical; just seeing it on paper would probably make my head hurt. Lol

• · Uncircumsized penises scare me; they look like some kind of sea monster or something. As a guy, when you watch porn, your attention is fully on the woman, the guy is like a prop that just happens to be there; so for something on him to be so distracting that it takes your attention and startles you, means it’s some truly upsetting shit.

  · Hood or not, Keyshia Cole is fine as shit to me. Period, I’d be sitting up in the house trying to deal with the crazy as family if I could make that mine

  · Rihanna – despite the big forehead, laundry list of celebs she’s slept with (Jay-Z, Drake, J. Cole, Breezy, Eminem, Andrew Bynum, Matt Kemp, etc), and craziness Trini side (she broke a glass over her brother’s head over a petty argument and likely provoked some of Breezy’s wrath when they got physical) – could bear my children. Period.

  · Since seeing her naked and without make-up (surprisingly unimpressive), Scarlett Johannsen is at risk of being knocked off of my already short “Beckys I would not only sleep with, but bring home to my mother” list. Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba are still safe; everyone else is up in the air, especially since Angelina is about 75 lbs these days

  · Physically, Beyonce’s only weakness has been her relatively small breasts. Therefore, she’s gonna be ridiculously dope right after delivery while she still has those big lactated titties. It’s gonna be mind blowing. Mercy, mercy, mercy

  And that's just a few minutes of brainstorming. LOL. This has been another sneak peek at My Inner Goon...