Halloween 2012

First and foremost, yes, I know. That picture is absolutely disgusting and the person wearing it paid to present themselves this way. Since I've been an adult, I"ve found Halloween to be an interesting time of year for lots of reasons. It's not exciting for other reasons that don't involve shopping bags full of candy that end up being savagely consumed in about a week. As an adult, this time of year is both a relief and a source of comedy. The process of making a costume is a way to let your hair down as an adult. You can even get frustrated because your costume isn't exactly how you want it to be (Ex. I had to settle for a cigar rather than a pipe to complete my Hugh Hefner outfit because I refused to use a corn cob pipe when I was going more for the Sherlock Holmes pipe look). Also, when you go out to grown up Halloween parties, there is usually no shortage of two things: unorthodox costumes made of some combination of ingenuity/convenience/douchebaggery (see tampon costume pictured above), and typically women trying to use show off their sexiness. The Halloween party I attended Saturday night had a little bit of both but not in optimal ways. Some of the costumes in the building included an Afrocentric demon, Pai Mei (the old Chinese kung fu instructor from "Kill Bill" with the white hair), and the one that beat me out for "Funniest Costume", the half naked squatter. Literally, he was in the party wearing nothing but black underwear briefs and black socks. Imagine how uncomfortable it is to be sitting on a couch and a dude sit beside you wearing nothing but drawls and socks. What if his thigh skin makes contact with me or something? That's not cool, I show up for parties looking to make inappropriate contact with women, not men. His exposed banana hammock was making me uncomfortable. As for the women trying to show off their sexiness...they tried to missed badly. The main women trying to show off their sexy were the ratchets. One was dressed as a nurse, the other a gangster, each with a lot of skin showing in a way that made you wonder if they were strippers from a low budget brothel and a shameful bachelor party was about to break out; those costumes may have fit each 20 lbs prior. It was quite shameful. Quite possibly my favorite part of this time of year though is the endless stream of horror movies; mostly terribly unrealistic or predictable. I find them hilarious in several ways. There may or may not be extra low budget camera work, there's terrible acting, worse decision making by the movie's characters, etc. Despite the fact that they're being chased by a murderer who doesn't run or move fast, they always find a way to fall, start crawling, pick an obvious hiding place/run upstairs where the stairs are the only access, become easily distracted and/or loud, etc and meet their demise. And these slasher killers...they don't eat, don't drink, don't shit, don't sleep, they don't even get women. And of course they don't die, meaning if I was in one of those movies, instead of shooting them or stabbing them a time or two and turning my back, I'd be cutting heads off and burning them... movie over; hence why I they'd never base a horror movie character on me. The horror movie industry wouldn't survive if the young Black male (typically first to die) gets smart and kills and dismembers the killer 28 minutes into the movie. I was watching these movies the entire time Hurricane Sandy was dumping rain on my house. So all in all, despite the fact that it's become commercialized to the poing where people have lost sight of its true origins (like Christmas), I enjoyed my Halloween fun and I hope everyone else did the same. Enjoy the holiday and stay safe from the hurricane.