Wintertime, Beautiful but Annoying

Sarcasm, It's What I Do

I saw this and found it absolutely hilarious but very true. I used to be nice - like supremely, naively nice - I gotten taken advantage of and I grew up. Amongst other things, now I'm sarcastic and at times vulgar often for the purpose of emphasis or humor. Deal with it. As the poster above displays, it's more peaceful and less tense than some of the alternative ways to make the same kind of point. Call me what you'd like, the next fuck I give will be the first. I've Been Called Worse...

My Inner Goon: Baby Mothers

This was hilarious when I saw it. But be careful running around telling everyone that every chick you mess with is a dime. Some guys out fucking up, smashing that fat/ugly/subpar slump buster with no condom and no pull out. That evidence will share you around. Many guys, myself included, have that Inner Goon; you gotta try to be responsible with that nigga though. The word don't need more half ugly children whose dad is slack because he's mad he got an undesirable pregnant. Life is short my ass. Your Inner Goon just signed you up for 18 years of possible misery...

Do Better: Your Debt to the King

I know the title is confusing, keep reading; it will make sense. Yesterday, January 21, 2013 was Obama's second Inauguration Day. I won't besmirch the historical significance of this as this could possibly be the last time we see a Black president inaugurated; I hope not, I hope the Presidency becomes more diverse going forward (race, gender, etc), but it could also be the last. However, even bigger than that is the fact that it was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I somewhat pity all the Obama-MLK comparisons because despite his amazing achievement, the constraints of partisan politics (increasingly so due to bitterness towards Obama) limit his the pace and effectiveness of truly making his desired mark; even as President, King's shoes may be too big to fill. I honestly believe a lot of people still undervalue just how different our society would be without the Civil Rights Movement, which MLK was the face of; no disrespect to Abernathy and all those behind the scenes and even Malcolm X who had a different approach. My entire point whenever I mention this name is not to preach about what he did in his life time, it's about what's he's doing for us today. Those involved in the Movement - particularly King's nonviolent demonstrations - were willing to face arrests, physical harm, and even murder with no reciprocation to attain the opportunities that too many (be reminded, he wasn't just fighting for Black ppl, he fought for all equality) take for granted today. Even if you're slack and can't muster any initiative or motivation out of yourself or even your close support group, there's no way you should be able to look at this man and not feel some responsibility to do better for yourself. Just a generation or two ago, your ancestors didn't have the chances you have now; the institutionalized racism/sexism/other bigotry that's still present is NOTHING compared to the Jim Crow era and its immediate aftermath. You have no excuse, get that molasses out of your ass and make something of yourself. So no, I wasn't telling Obama or MLK to do better, I'm talking to everyone out there who's making excuses to themselves (too hard, takes too long, not fun, etc) not to do something with yourselves. You don't owe it to me, you don't even owe it to yourself, but you owe the ghost of the King and the rest of your ancestors who fought and died so the American Dream could be yours too. Do Better...

Swag Must Die: Ill-Advised Ray Tribute

Yo, I'm excited that Ray's last ride is going to the Super Bowl too, but this man here is over doing it. No grown man should dedicating his appearance to another grown man at this level. Seriously, where the fuck do you work where you can show up like this with no problems? I wouldn't buy insurance from a mother fucker with bangs being used as a Raven's beak. Excuse me buddy, how much did you pay someone to fuck your head up in this manner? Sir, your swag must die...

Do Better: Really Manti Te'o?

I'm taking bets that this is the first star football player at Notre Dame, one of the most obsessed and successful football schools, who could not pick up tangible and certifiable women. Make me an offer, I'd bet almost anything that this is a first; I don't care that he wasn't a Heisman finalist yet when this happened, he was still a starting football player at Notre Dame. I was an athlete at Georgia Tech and the bench riding football players were dating beautiful women just because they had a uniform.  This has been on my mind for days now because it's the only way any of this story makes any sense. It's terrible that some guy and his female cousin set up and implemented a hoax posing at a leukemia-ridden woman (using the picture of one woman and the name of another) to fool a college athlete purely for entertainment. What makes matters even worse is they arranged for their created character to die of her leukemia right after the kid's grandmother (whose real, confirmed) died; it's borderline sickening that people stoop this low for no discernible reason. For him to be naive enough to not pick up on the fact that things were right and desperate enough to feel the need to embellish it, what other explanation is there? Like most guys who are embarrassed about their inability to get women in college (I had a roommate in college who I to this day think was lying to hide his homosexuality), Manti was lying on his dick about a girl he had never even met (or even see on Skype, Face Time, Oovoo, etc). That's why his teammates claim they knew something was fishy before this scam broke. "Stop lying Manti, she's not your girl. You didn't meet her." No Manti, apparently you didn't talk to her for 4 hours a night for 5 months; unless this is the most effective and dedicated con-woman in the history of mankind. She got that kind of time to devote to toying with you? Does she not have a job, kids, or her own life? Unless she's being paid handsomely by the man identified as the mastermind (who apparently ran a similar scam on someone 4 years ago), I have no idea why she continued to participate. I've heard the idea that maybe he was involved setting up the hoax to garner more attention for his Heisman campaign. However this doesn't make sense because 1) Notre Dame was not seen as a National Championship contender a year ago, they didn't even enter the season ranked. We had never heard of him, he wasn't on the Heisman radar and even wasn't after this happened; he got notoriety when Notre Dame started playing good. 2) That would be assuming he started a hoax in preparation of his grandmother dying so he could claim this fake chicks death compounded at the same time. I don't know Manti personally but his reputation is too good and I'm too optimistic to truly believe he'd stoop that low. I realize that certain questions won't be answered (you loved her but didn't attempt to go to her funeral? console her family?) but fuck it, I don't believe he did it. He's meeting with advisers about how to 'respond' to this confusing situation, but I don't think there's anything he can say were he doesn't end looking incredibly desperate or naive; Steve Urkel (the nerd, not his alter ego Stefan) is laughing at his inability to pull women. I have all the advice he needs: If you want to avoid this level of embarrassment ever befalling you again, get your game tight and start pursuing women in person, where they're tangible and confirmed...for him, make sure you're checking for Adam's Apples and nutsacks though. Do Better...

Real Talk: Lance, the dichotomy of a folk hero

This story is about much more than cycling, because Lance Armstrong is much more than a cyclist. Lance Armstrong became a folk hero; had this ugly chapter never taken place, he would've been the subject of Bob Dylan-style folk songs which would've lived forever. He's not famous because he won the Tour De France (who won this year? they still have the event). As a cancer survivor who rode his bike for hours in his hospital room after chemo treatments, he became the superhero who found pummeling the cycling competition easy compared to the epic battle that he won against cancer; that's why he was famous. His foundation Livestrong (whose band I'm still wearing and refuse to take off because of the effect the foundation has had) has raised over $500 MILLION for cancer research, saving an immeasurable amount of lives along the way. I heard Scott Van Pelt of ESPN say "the easiest story to sell is a story that people want to here." If the story ends there, it's a heroic story of epic proportions. You'd see this man in person and want to run up and kiss his feet. Problem is, he'd probably kick you in the face. By multiple accounts from many ppl who have met him or know him personally, he's a terrible person; egotistical, self-centered, merciless  manipulative, deceptive, calculated, and without shame. As the sport's reputation continued to fade due to so many big names being implicated in either PED use or blood doping, they started snitching (I don't fuck with snitches, if you're man enough to cheat, be man enough to shut up and accept when you're caught red handed) on Lance. Then, he told the lie we all wanted to hear; even if we knew it didn't make sense. So here we all were believing - well, more hoping - that in a sport full of dopers, the one guy who's clean is destroying all the dopers. Hell, they can't give away his stripped Tour De France titles, because all the guys who got 2nd and 3rd in those competitions were dirty too. Not only did he lie though (which honestly was understandable at that time), he vehemently and vociferously denied the charges, even going so far as to go on a internationally respected show like "Larry King Live" and used the "I beat a death sentence like cancer, why would I risk my health again?" narrative on TV; that was pretty low in hindsight. He then viciously and mercifully decided to ruin the lives (via lawsuits, defamation, alienation, etc.) of all his accusers and even everyone who disagreed with him; All while knowing they were telling the truth. The truth, or at least what he currently know of it is this: 1) Lance Armstrong admitted in an interview with Oprah Winfrey (a fairly safe person to confess to) to using PEDs and blood doping with what seemed like a very calculated, one-word answer laden, non-contrite interview. He brought his team of lawyers and crisis counselors with him so he didn't overly expose himself. 2) USADA stripped him of his 7 Tour De France titles after their investigation (including testimony from countless former teammates and competitors) led them to the conclusion that he ran "the most sophisticated doping program on the planet." 3) Even Livestrong, the organization that he founded/elevated, has cast him out due to the USADA actions. So which part of his story should last? This is why the dichotomy of influential human beings interests me. I've heard arguments he's still the best cyclist of all time, he was the best cheater (with the best back story) among a sport where every prominent performer was cheating; this is likely the dirtiest sport of them all. Regardless of the actions that lifted his foundation to prominence, the amount of good that Livestrong has done far outweighs the results of bike races. ESPN anchor Stuart Scott, who is fighting cancer, loves Lance for what Livestrong has done and I fully understand how him and anyone else who's dealt with cancer would feel that way. But at the same time, what we've now found - which was irrelevant to us before - is that he's a terrible person who ruined lives to sell the public on his lies. In baseball, those implicated with PEDs attempted to stay secluded hoping not to be subpoenaed long enough to slide into the Hall of Fame. They didn't go to Larry King's desk and use his show on a platform to put their acting lessons on display for their grand lie. It's easy to ask how he slept at night through all of this. I wish I could ask him, but I doubt I'd get a straight answer. This is a very convoluted study in the dichotomy of a man whose good deeds and fatal flaws provoke a twisted polarity. It's on each of us to decide what we believe he should truly be remembered for. Real Talk...

Ray Lewis: The end of an unprecedented reign of MLB

First and foremost, isn't that an ill picture of Ray Lewis? The intensity, the muscles, the grass in his hand, the pyrotechnics in the background. It looks like introduction of the heavyweight champion in the glory days of the WWF (before this WWE business). In a way, that's precisely what it is. Ray Lewis IS Middle Linebacker, no. Ray Lewis IS defense, no. Ray Lewis IS football. He's the immovable object waiting for you. He's that big bad motherfucker who you spent all week preparing for nothing because he's still bringing you the pain all day Sunday. He's brought intensity, athleticism, instinct, and intimidation to the highest level of defensive play for 17 years. SEVENTEEN FUCKING YEARS!! That's like an oximoron when you're talking about Middle Linebacker. Along with running back, it's one of those positions that features so much hitting and punishment that a decade is plenty to call a good career at the position. Ray's played twice as long as Dick Butkus, 50% longer than Mike Singletary, Jack Lambert and so many more of the greats. All this while playing at an elite level (no offense, London Fletcher) in an age featuring the biggest, fastest, strongest, and most skilled players we've ever seen; Ray Nitschke and Chuck Bednarik would need some HGH to bang with these boys. Many of his predecessors even admit that (find a recent "Greatest Linebacker of All Time" list he's not on top of). He epitomizes being the heart and soul of a franchise. He's been the driving force of a Ravens defense that's been historically dominant since it won a SuperBowl back before the arrival of all-Worlds Terrell Suggs and Ed Reed (Tony Siragusa, anyone?). He was SuperBowl MVP despite the slander of his name after getting in potentially disastrous trouble soon before. That trouble now seems like a lifetime ago as he's been a model leader, teammate, and off-field humanitarian ever since. Who doesn't wanna play on a team with Ray Lewis? The only reason he doesn't have a fist full of rings is the team's perpetual unsuccessful search for a true franchise QB; he got Trent Dilfer a Super Bowl ring as a parting gift before he got cut that offseason for his subpar play. He's the Shaq of my generation's football fandom; no disrespect to Wilt Chamberlain (or in this case Nitschke, Bednarik, Butkus, even LT) but like Shaq in his prime, Ray Lewis is the most dominant force I've set eyes in this position. I guess I knew he had to retire some day - even if I was denying it to myself - and honestly I'm thankful that he told us up front that it would be at the end of this year. It was appropriate that his last game at home, Sunday's shellacking of the Colts (poor Andrew Luck, no worries you have time), began and ended with Ray's signature dance, filled with stellar defense play in the middle. Even if it ends as soon as next week in Denver (don't get me started on Peyton's greatness), I'm thankful I was able to witness such an illustrious run from the best to ever do it at MLB. I'll defend my position calling him the G.O.A.T. to anybody, anytime. He made me root for the Ravens when my teams weren't involved. Hell, he had me watching linebacker play when it was so easy to just be focused on offense. I doubt I'll ever lay eyes on another Ray Lewis in my generation. See you in Canton in five years #52.

Do Better: Rex Ryan's bromance tattoo

Do not adjust your computer monitor, you are seeing this correctly; click it for an enlarged view if you feel the need. That is a tattoo of a woman wearing a #6 Mark Sanchez Jets jersey on Rex Ryan's shoulder. Ryan, head coach of the New York Jets, is lucky to still have his job with the Jets. Despite the fact that he's a good defensive coach, his personality and bluster have allowed the team to become a circus. Among his many ill-advised quotes and actions, one of the biggest reasons is his handling of the team's QB situation. He's hitched his future to the sinking ship that is Mark Sanchez (who hasn't seemed to develop, or possibly even regressed in his 4 years). This situation was exacerbated when they decided to get the most high profile, polarizingly divisive, mania-creating backup QB imaginable despite Sanchez's lack of confidence and subpar play; that would be Tim Tebow. Yet Ryan's been fiercely loyal to Sanchez to a fault; at some point, Tebow or McIlroy should have been allowed more opportunity while they were still playing meaningful football. Now as both he and Sanchez are on the chopping block, it surfaces that he has a tattoo of a woman (possibly his wife, who has her own crazy antics. Google "Michelle Ryan foot fetish" or look her up on MediaTakeOut if you don't believe me) wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey. Stop with the bromance and if you're lucky enough to retain your job, do whatever gives your team the best chance to win; even if it means parting with or benching the QB with whom your bromance warranted a tattoo. Rex, for the sake of your team, Do Better...

Django Unchained: Mixed Feelings

Have you ever been disappointed in yourself for being caught off-guard by something? As my logical mind takes back over now that my initial impulsive reaction has faded, that's how I feel about the movie Django: Unchained. From the previews, I fully believed this to be a revenge, shoot em up Western where the protagonist happens to be a former slave rather than an cowboy who goes to rescue the girl; all Tarantino style action (think Kill Bill and Shoot 'Em Up) with just enough flashbacks and vignettes to establish a bit of a storyline. What I wasn't ready for were the lengths that Tarantino would go to establishing the setting of 1850's Mississippi. Setting the movie slave backdrop in movies typically includes some whipping, some fierce talk, maybe inhumane working conditions, etc. A lot of Americans - black, white, and other - don't want to face the true degree of savagery that took place and furthermore it's hard to decipher exactly how graphic you can be about in the cinema for the masses to see. Well, Quentin Tarantino has never had that trepidation about finding the line of political correctness/appropriateness. He seems himself as an artist unbounded by societal standards of political correctness or decency. I'm told that me made a remark saying that "Roots" wasn't realistic enough about how heinous slavery was; I found this out since seeing the movie of course. So he kicked his depiction of slavery up a notch from what you're used to. I'm talking slaves getting eaten by dogs on camera. I'm talking a smiling slave master (Leo DiCaprio) instructing slave fighter to kill his opponent with a hammer simply to stay in the master's good graces. I'm talking a white man with Jamie Foxx's genitalia in one hand and a heated hunting knife in the other preparing to castrate him as he hangs in a device which appeared designed for that very purpose. I'm talking slaves put into a cast iron chest in the middle of a field in the middle of Mississippi summer and left there for 10 days as punishment for disappointing the improvised authority on the plantation. I'm talking a slave master explaining that he doesn't understand why the slaves don't rise up and kill the white people before threatening to bash Kerry Washington's beautiful skull in simply to prove his point that Blacks are dumb and subservient. And more. Then on another note, you had the actors' performances themselves. I recently watched Robert De Niro on "Inside the Actor's Studio" when he said it's not an actor's job to judge the character, just to understand him and portray him. But that didn't make it any easier to see DiCaprio, Don Johnson, and other contemporary actors very comfortably and casually throwing around the N word and cracking offensive jokes. The worst part was seeing Samuel L. Jackson as the ultimate House Nigga, he's the old, surly, foul-mouthed representation of Black self hatred itself. At one point he goes so far as to brag to Django about the different horrendous things that he and his masters have done to Blacks in the past. It was even more uncomfortable when you notice just how hard some of the White people in the theater laughed at some of the jokes I couldn't bear to laugh at. Although I have to admit it was a very well made movie, it was difficult to watch at times; my date that night is still offended by it over a week later. I will admit, there are times were Tarantino strikes comedic genius despite the grotesque periodical backdrop (a scene with the Klan complaining that the eye holes on their hood bags aren't adequate). It is also nice in the midst of that backdrop to see a former slave hero who shoots (and at one point whips) slave masters and will do anything to get his girl back. I had to marinate on this movie, watch some video of the actors speaking about it, and sleep on it and now I've arrived at this: I have to get over it or be labeled a hypocrite. I always say that the first step for America to move past racism is be honest about it, which will involve some uneasy moments; although this wasn't an activist call to face the realities of slavery, this is an example. Although I know that slavery is much worse than portrayed in any film we've ever seen (including this one), something about seeing new atrocities depicted or being taken away into a movie which recreates that period is still unsettling at the time. Tarantino has never been shy about controversial subjects (Nazi Germany, etc) or the even N-word, so it would do no good to try to reprimand him for the controversial nature of the film. But maybe we needed this. It gets people talking. Slavery was similar to a holocaust which lasted 500 years instead of 5; we - particularly white people - must escape the misconception that this was just Africans forced to do volunteer work. Our country was largely built on the backs of a population who were stripped from their homeland and forced through torture, castration, murder, rape, and more to do the dirty work for the businessmen that claim to have made our country great. the sooner we see these things and start being honest about them and their unmistakable effect on our country ever since, the sooner we can move past our taboos and start to build understanding.