Do Better: Tony MFin Parker

First of all, I'd like to thank u Mr. Parker. Since entering Malaysia, I haven't had enough opportunities to express justified buffoonery at someone's expense. I appreciate u handing me the fuel for such a rant.

Just like whatever photo shoot this gay lookin picture of u came from, u've had a tremendous fail (Does he even have on pants, looks like he's waiting for the dude from "Scared Straight" to come back to his jail cell and reclaim his manhood again). In one day you, William Anthony "Tony" Parker have earned a certain level on scandalous infamy and I don't mean that in no nice way. After 7 years married to Eva Longoria, she's filing divorce because she caught u cheating with ur teammate Brent Barry's wife? This shit is Sub Zero cold blooded on so many levels. We, the general public, have seen our fair share of young male celebrities (we'll focus on athletes for now) forced into divorce because they too loose with the dick. That's nothing new. But in most cases - Michael Jordan, Shaq, Tiger Woods, etc - they lost a chick who is replaceable to a certain extent. In all of the cases just mentioned, their wives were fairly everyday attractive women without 'big-time' jobs or names of their own. Each was Mrs. [insert athlete name] and their notoriety was inevitably attached to them. U fucked it up with Eva Longoria? I should fly to San Antonio and politely slap the shit out of u; I will know I have completed my task when my hand is broken. Dwyane Wade moved from his wife to Gabby Union. Not saying it's ok to step out on ur wife, but he did very well for himself. Rumor is Shaq is now engaged to Hoopz; she ain't Gabby Union, but once again I'm not necessarily mad at him (he better keep his eye on that broad too though). U lost Eva Longoria, not some chick just lusting to be Mrs. Tony Parker and benefit from the credit upgrade. What was the upside, what was the gain? With the hectic schedule of a professional athlete, one of their biggest marital problems is that their wives don't have their own lives. They hire nannies to watch their kids so they can go out and shop with his money and drink with their friends. U didn't have that problem, she got her own life and her own money. So even if u feel u had to cheat (which I will go on record and say I don't condone), u got opportunity cuz she got her own business. She not sitting at home going "Practice ended 45 minutes ago, where is he? I'm gonna go check his computer." But u cheat in a situation that's easy to blow up? C'Mon Son. She better have been pretty terrible in bed for u to step out with a chick in a situation where ur marriage and team credibility are now in shambles. U have just joined Delonte "Mother Fucking (literally)" West as teammates who should not be invited any team function that doesn't take place in the locker room or basketball court. U ain't coming to dinner at my house to meet my fam. Hell, I don't know if we can get drinks after practice if u doing niggas dirty like that. U've become that "Yeah he can ball, but I don't fuck wit him" dude. After the season, Brent Barry should drop kick u in the chest and retire if he hasn't already. Unless u got a young hot actress/singer as ur Ace in the Hole and think u can win more rings with ur teammates givin u the side eye (not to mention opposing fans bringing signs and making chants), u made the wrong choice on a few different fronts. Luckily since she's got bread, u won't have to pay her too much. Just don't go get some cute waitress who's gonna quit her job to get busy spending the balance of what u don't have to pay Eva. Do Better...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Beating VS. Cheating

My mind was blown ("mind boggled" as Ray J's dumb ass would say) by a conversation I had with a female friend of mine recently. We were having a usual discussion about how Tiger Wood's personal life wasn't my business and the only people he owed an apology to for living foul were his wife, family and close friends. I have a slightly pessimistic opinion on how monogamous people are in relationships where one person spends more than half the year on the road (athletes, traveling salesmen, etc.). Combine that with the fact that I knew nothing about Tiger personally before and I'm not exactly surprised at what has been exposed and the shock value wore off to me long before the media. I told the lady that I would have been more surprised if he was a woman beater, pedophile, cross dresser or some type of criminal or weirdo. She told me that she believes that in marriage, it's easier to get over a guy beating his wife than that man cheating on his wife.......................WHAT????? Alright, I'm a guy, and my mother is the type who would throw boiling water on a man in his sleep if he was stupid enough to lay a hand on her so maybe my view is different than hers. But I still don't understand that logic. In my dealings with women, I often try to think about things as far as "what would I do if this happened to a sister if I had one?" If I had a sister and her husband cheated on her (assuming she's been a good wife), I'm going to be telling her to leave him immediately cuz she doesn't need to leave herself in a situation to be hurt like that. However,it wouldn't surprise me if they got separated for a while, took some time apart to do their own things and eventually they wanted to get back together. I'd tell her that he has to earn that trust back and all, but overall I could let the past be the past and move on. If the husband was beating my sister - whether she's bein a good wife or not - WE GOT PROBLEMS. I'm not a hot head, but I would take a page from Sonny from the Godfather, I'm fuckin this dude's shit up. And I'll tell him "If she ever comes through my door with a black eye again, I'll kill you." Don't think I'm condoning cheating at all, it's a violation of the sanctity of the relationship and I'm in no way denying that. But it's gotten to the point where cheating, on both sides, is so widespread that it's no more shocking than just disappointing. It's estimated that 50% of married people have cheated, and studies show that those aren't the same 50% that are divorced either, there's a significant amount of overlap. No one seems to look at cheaters differently unless they have legal implications or theatric value. BUT BEATING???Look at Ike Turner's reputation more than a quarter century after him and Tina divorced. Everyone forgot that he was a rock & roll pioneer and just remember him as a the guy beating Anna Mae. Hell, look how fast Chris Brown's career has all but disappeared, and we know that Rihanna probably provoked a lot of that cuz she is crazy and violent herself. Didn't stop his name from becoming the new verb for woman beating. "Shut up before I Chris Brown ur ass." This dude had to get on camera practically begging for his fans back. People don't end up doing interviews with Larry King or Barbara Walters over cheating. Hell, Swizz Beatz and Dwyane Wade both left their wives for celebrity women in the past year or two and have been flaunting their newer richer chicks all over the place, no one has called them or their wives for any interviews about their affairs turned new relationships. By definition, Gabrielle Union and Alicia Keys are home wreckers; very, very fine home wreckers, but home wreckers nonetheless. Hasn't seemed to hurt their careers at all. Just like it hasn't hurt several male and female public figures who have been caught cheating. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

The Tiger Woods Thanksgiving Accident

Boy, boy, boy. This one gets juicier and juicier every time I hear anybody talk about it. It's not lookin good for the world's first athlete billionaire or his (what's the word??) we'll just say very jealous and emotional wife, Elin Woods. Nah fuck that, this chick is unstable too, just like Rihanna (who broke a glass over her brother's head in a very minor argument) and that chick who shot Steve McNair. But neway, the story as the press first reported it is that Tiger had an accident just feet from his driveway when he hit a neighbor's tree and a fire hydrant. This was at about 2:30 am and his wife supposedly broke the back window out to go in the car and pull him out. This seemed real fishy to me and it gave me questions: Was he drunk?? No, they tested him, he was 100% sober. So then the question becomes where is he in a rush to go at 2:30 am? If he's creeping, why would he leave when his wife is up? Of all things, what causes you to hit a fire hydrant and tree just feet from your driveway? Why in the world would she break the very back window to get him out of the driver's seat? She's a slim Swedish chick, you expect me to believe she punched out the window? How exactly did his eye and mouth get messed up but his nose is fine? If he were to hit the steering wheel with his face, he can't hit his eye and mouth without hitting his nose too. Try it, it's impossible. Why is it that the hospital is calling his injuries "minor" but neither he nor his wife are willing to comment on the accident while he's still in "recovery"? Let's just say something wasn't adding up. So a few days earlier I saw at a gossip site or two that Tiger had a side chick that came to public light. I didn't think much about it for two reasons: 1) Celebrities and powerful people (male and female) cheat often, we know that, for the most part they keep it secret and it is what it is; many times the husband/wife knows and is upset but isn't gonna get a divorce so they'd rather keep it private and they do their own things while the celeb is on the road. It's a dark truth of Hollywood and fame. 2) Gossip sites say someone is sleepin with someone different everyday, it could be anybody they could capture in a snapshot with the celeb. But after the accident, both gossip sites and reputable sites started suggesting that the accident was the aftermath of a domestic violence issue between the Woods when they were arguing about the other chick. The allegation is that they were arguing and she started swinging on him and rather than get physical back, Tiger decided he was gon leave the house for a while. However, as he's headed to the car, she reemerges with a golf club and starts beatin the SUV he just got in. She breaks the back window as he starts rolling and it scares/distracts him to the point where he hits the fire hydrant and tree. Then Elin Woods's rage quickly turns to panic as she realized that she just caused her cash cow to get into an accident. So she hops in through the back window to help him get out and make it to the hospital. Sounds overly dramatic and gossipy, but it answers all of those questions that came up earlier. "Oh, that's why he was leaving in a rush at 2:30 am while his wife was awake." "Oh, that's why the back window was broken and used rather than a closer window." "Oh, maybe the damage to the mouth and eye came from a mad fist rather than a steering wheel." "Oh, they don't wanna comment now cuz they're still in the midst of getting their story straight for the media." EVERYTHING ADDS UP NOW. So, I think there are lessons to be learned from this incident for everyone. To Tiger, u usually keep everything private and all so we don't know how often u do whatever u do, but u're married to a woman who's jealous and will display that physically if she thinks u're cheating. Therefore, u need to pump the brakes on the side chick and be a good husband, take her on a trip, get her some gaudy jewelry or something, becuz I don't think u're gonna get too many good nights of sleep if she is unhappy. I didn't know that's how they got down in Sweden, but apparently so. U're a billionaire so u're not gonna divorce her cuz it's cheaper to keep her. To Elin, I'm not sayin u should sit around and accept him cheatin or nothin, but u gotta keep things non-physical baby girl. All indications are that he's never laid a hand on u, so yell, scream whatever, but chasing him with weapons ain't acceptable. U're married to a professional athlete, which means if he gets seriously hurt becuz of somethin u did, u're screwing both of y'all over. Hell, ask him why he's steppin out, find out if u can b part of the solution. Are u on strike and givin him the blue balls? Are u unadventurous and don't wanna help keep it interesting? Are u an "ain't shit" wife who sits around and blows his money frivolously while the nanny is caring for kid and Tiger is out golfing? Work with him lady, take a look in the mirror if u need and assess urself. Leave them weapons out of it. And to the average Black man in America, despite all that money, Tiger is currently involved with two different white women and the outcome was him ended up battered, bruised and with his car wrapped around a tree. Yea, dammit I said it. Judgmental? Racist? Whatever. I've Been Called Worse...