Kanye West: A Study in Fearlessness, Creative Ambition, and Egomania

You remember the kid from Chicago that Dame and Jay found to produce for the rest of the Roc? The one back in the studio right after a car accident with his jaw half wired shut? The one striving to be successful rapping because everyone said he could only ever make it as a producer? Yeah, that's the Kanye West we fell in love with. If you haven't noticed, that kid is hard to recognize in the borderline 2013 version by the same name. He's a deliberate attention whore - in a relationship with a beautiful but talent-less attention whore famous for her sex life - who's wearing Confederate flags, calling himself a God, and vocally challenging everyone from fashion moguls to the Obamas. He seems constantly upset and at times seems to be losing his grip on reality. I never thought I'd say this: but I'm starting to understand him. Not saying I agree with him, or can even vouch for all of his bullshit, but I think I get it. He's acting out in a combination of anger and envy for those who possess the true power and freedom he wants; I read an interesting article referring to this as a Frantz Fanon complex (here's the article, http://ourlegaci.com/2013/12/02/kanyes-frantz-fanon-complex/). Just the way producing was not enough for him when he wanted to rap, hip hop culture itself is not enough for Kanye now. His experimental creativity agency DONDA, named for his deceased mother, is an embodiment of his desire to be an all-around creative genius without bounds;  we're talking music, fashion, art, cinema, marketing, technology, the works. He states that his calling is to leave a creative imprint on the world as significant as that of Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, or Michelangelo. He also thinks Kim Khardashian is the new Marilyn Monroe. That being said, he's on a crusade to increase his global profile to force the hand of those - especially in the fashion and footwear industries - who he believes seek to pigeonhole and marginalize his influence because they can't control him. He doesn't want to be Jay-Z or Russell Simmons running "urban" clothing labels, he wants to be the neo-Marc Jacobs or Ralph Lauren with the power to sell anywhere to anyone at any price as he feels. He's gotten his feet wet in the industry (designing shoes and clothes) just enough to encounter the glass ceiling stopping him from. His focus has switched to getting as much attention, money, and power as he can attain so that no one can ever deny him ANYTHING ever again. Hell, he doesn't care what anything thinks or listen to anyone (except Jay-Z sometimes) now, but he seeks the power that billionaires (or maybe secret societies) possess so that he can bring any idea of his to fruition without needing anyone. Even as rich and fearless as he is, he's already lost $13 million and can't afford to keep misfiring without backers. So to get there, he's frequently pushing whatever bounds exist to stay in the spotlight even when he's not making music; because his relevance is powerful. But that's where it can go off track. It goes as blasphemous as trying to make Confederate flags fashionable or bringing Jesus out on stage. Or something as fearless as wearing women's clothing or giving an album cover vile cover art of his darkest fantasy. Or as ego-maniacal and brash as taking to radio waves calling for fashion protests of those who denied him meetings to "stifle his influence" and claiming he and Kim should be getting all the fashion-related attention the Obamas get. I think he frequently misfires and goes way overboard. How the fuck you really gonna put Kim and Michelle Obama in the same sentence? Michelle is the first lady while the first time I saw Kim it's because she was just the pretty girl spit-shining Ray J's dick on a sextape. Oh word, people are supposed to get over their feeling towards the Confederate flag because you made a song called "New Slaves" and said it's ok? Really nigga?  But rather than dismissing him as a lunatic, I'm trying to see the bigger picture of what he's trying to achieve. He's a dreamer with all the passion imaginable to chase it and I"ll always admire that. He just has to refine his technique. For the record, I hope he creates the imprint he seeks to, I'd love to see what come out of it.

Do Better: No Education, No Ambition, Now What?

I couldn't resist posting that funny pic even though this is serious problem. I’ve been here in Sandakan (East Malaysia on the island of Borneo) for a few days now and I haven’t seen a whole lot yet. But one of the things I have observed makes me sad: there is no priority put on education for small children. I work on a construction site, where the general workers live on-site in tenements that they built out of the project materials and whatever else they could gather. It’s bad enough that grown men have to live this way but that’s just how it goes in Malaysia. But here I’ve seen so many 10-14 year olds working at my site, at restaurants, and everywhere. All I can keep thinking is: what kind of life are they setting themselves up for? Not only do they have no idea what they’re missing or what is going on in the world, they may not know about anything going on outside of this construction site. If this is the case, there is no ambition in them, no drive, no expectation of a better life at all. All they know is that tomorrow, the sun will come up and they will come out and continue to server as helpers for lightweight construction work such as grouting and finish work until the day ends and they walk back to their tenements and start the process over tomorrow. Once this project is over, they will likely find another project nearby and start the same lifestyle over again. I was once told by a Malay co-worker of mine that locals – even the educated ones – are essentially programmed to be robots in this country. Whether you go to school and college or not, once the work world comes at you, the expectation is to settle into some convenient lifestyle close to home. Get married, get some job (often with no upward mobility), work hard enough not to lose this job in the next 40 years, start a family and never think about anything outside of that. I talk to locals about my travels and they’re amazed, even though they’ve spent their lives in this part of the world. You’re from Kuala Lumpur and you’ve never been to East Malaysia? If you plan ahead, you can fly there for next to nothing. You’re from Kuala Lumpur and you’ve never been to Singapore? It’s a 4 hour bus ride for something like $10 US. I dare not even ask about China, Australia, Thailand, or somewhere else slightly further away. So what are they waiting for? The truth is they’ve never even thought about going somewhere else. That’s why my presence and situation shocks so many people. I’m not saying every American thinks globally because most don’t. But even Americans I know who have never left the US have travelled a bit within their region of the US; they have wanted to see SOMETHING other than what they see in their hometown every day. Well, over here, travelling that region of the US is like going from country to country, and the locals have not done it. You ask them why and they stumble. They say they don’t want to miss work like they don’t have leave like me. They may say money, like it’s not dirt cheap if you plan ahead. At the end of the day, it’s a mindset. To me, they’re existing and not truly living. Forget travelling, but most locals (even many educated ones) don’t even have any idea what is going on outside of their country. How is it you have cable television and the internet but you have no concept of current events whatsoever? I could see if you had hobbies or enthusiasms which were taking up your time, but no that’s not the case either. I’d guess that if you charted out their days it would go: Wake up, work, back home, eat, watch tv, talk about something other than current events or hobbies with your family, go to sleep, start over. To me, you only get one life and that is no way to spend it. I know my two cents doesn’t mean much to them and wont change their culture, but I can’t surround myself with people like that. Knowing how sensitive Malays are, this is one of the things I’ve been trying to spare feelings about when people here ask me “Nigel, you’re not going to stay here in Malaysia forever?” I can't say "I feel like I'm losing intelligence if I'm willing to stay surrounded by dumb fucks" so I have to gracefully sugar coat this kind of question. I'm tired of it. It depresses me, I weep for them. This lack of education makes things like the Nazi shirt mentioned in the last blog entry necessary. Readers out there, I never thought I would appreciate you so much just for the simple fact that you can read. SMH. Selamat malam

Food for Thought: In Search of Vision

Just like Blaxploitation era pimp/hustler Willie Dynamite in the clip u just watched (Hint: watch it now if u skipped it), right now I am full of ambition but lacking the proper vision. Unlike Willie, I am not a pimp trying to rationalize a power struggle with a slightly effeminate older pimp who is overly expressive with his hands. Instead, I am graduating in May into a slowly recovering job market full of questions. I have so many thought about what I want to do in the long run and/or experience I'd like to have. However, my mission right now is to do the research and figure out step by step how I want to get there. I don't want to be one of those people who doesn't make it to a position where they feel productive or like their job until they're in their 50s. I just have to figure out the shorter (not necessarily the easier) route. Maybe I do need to go to grad school, maybe I need to look to move up from a different direction than my given major usually hires, maybe I should look into an apprenticeship and move up that way. I have a Hurricane Katrina-like brain storm raging in my mind. Hopefully God's guidance, connections with professionals, and my own blood, sweat, tears, and perseverance can help me find the vision to make it. Failure is not an option, I've come too far to work at Foot Locker and sponge off my family. I gotta get to grinding and get my life together, please pray for me...