A Last Dance for the Ages

That's the storybook ending to a legendary career. Despite the storm of controversy (PEDs, 2000 charges, etc), a mid-game power outage, and a difficult opponent hellbent on coming back, Ray Lewis goes out holding the Lombardy trophy with the confetti falling on him. Ed Reed, Terrell Suggs, Haloti Ngata, Ray Rice and the rest of the gang win their first championship on a team that's been elite for 5-6 years but could never get over the hump. Joe Flacco comes up big (possibly making himself a lot of money) in the biggest game and earns a Super Bowl MVP trophy. Although I feel bad for Randy Moss and I generally do like the 49ers, this was the Ravens' moment, this was the last moment of Ray's last ride. It was perfect for him...

Wintertime, Beautiful but Annoying

Sarcasm, It's What I Do

I saw this and found it absolutely hilarious but very true. I used to be nice - like supremely, naively nice - I gotten taken advantage of and I grew up. Amongst other things, now I'm sarcastic and at times vulgar often for the purpose of emphasis or humor. Deal with it. As the poster above displays, it's more peaceful and less tense than some of the alternative ways to make the same kind of point. Call me what you'd like, the next fuck I give will be the first. I've Been Called Worse...

My Inner Goon: Baby Mothers

This was hilarious when I saw it. But be careful running around telling everyone that every chick you mess with is a dime. Some guys out fucking up, smashing that fat/ugly/subpar slump buster with no condom and no pull out. That evidence will share you around. Many guys, myself included, have that Inner Goon; you gotta try to be responsible with that nigga though. The word don't need more half ugly children whose dad is slack because he's mad he got an undesirable pregnant. Life is short my ass. Your Inner Goon just signed you up for 18 years of possible misery...

Do Better: Your Debt to the King

I know the title is confusing, keep reading; it will make sense. Yesterday, January 21, 2013 was Obama's second Inauguration Day. I won't besmirch the historical significance of this as this could possibly be the last time we see a Black president inaugurated; I hope not, I hope the Presidency becomes more diverse going forward (race, gender, etc), but it could also be the last. However, even bigger than that is the fact that it was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I somewhat pity all the Obama-MLK comparisons because despite his amazing achievement, the constraints of partisan politics (increasingly so due to bitterness towards Obama) limit his the pace and effectiveness of truly making his desired mark; even as President, King's shoes may be too big to fill. I honestly believe a lot of people still undervalue just how different our society would be without the Civil Rights Movement, which MLK was the face of; no disrespect to Abernathy and all those behind the scenes and even Malcolm X who had a different approach. My entire point whenever I mention this name is not to preach about what he did in his life time, it's about what's he's doing for us today. Those involved in the Movement - particularly King's nonviolent demonstrations - were willing to face arrests, physical harm, and even murder with no reciprocation to attain the opportunities that too many (be reminded, he wasn't just fighting for Black ppl, he fought for all equality) take for granted today. Even if you're slack and can't muster any initiative or motivation out of yourself or even your close support group, there's no way you should be able to look at this man and not feel some responsibility to do better for yourself. Just a generation or two ago, your ancestors didn't have the chances you have now; the institutionalized racism/sexism/other bigotry that's still present is NOTHING compared to the Jim Crow era and its immediate aftermath. You have no excuse, get that molasses out of your ass and make something of yourself. So no, I wasn't telling Obama or MLK to do better, I'm talking to everyone out there who's making excuses to themselves (too hard, takes too long, not fun, etc) not to do something with yourselves. You don't owe it to me, you don't even owe it to yourself, but you owe the ghost of the King and the rest of your ancestors who fought and died so the American Dream could be yours too. Do Better...

Swag Must Die: Ill-Advised Ray Tribute

Yo, I'm excited that Ray's last ride is going to the Super Bowl too, but this man here is over doing it. No grown man should dedicating his appearance to another grown man at this level. Seriously, where the fuck do you work where you can show up like this with no problems? I wouldn't buy insurance from a mother fucker with bangs being used as a Raven's beak. Excuse me buddy, how much did you pay someone to fuck your head up in this manner? Sir, your swag must die...

Do Better: Really Manti Te'o?

I'm taking bets that this is the first star football player at Notre Dame, one of the most obsessed and successful football schools, who could not pick up tangible and certifiable women. Make me an offer, I'd bet almost anything that this is a first; I don't care that he wasn't a Heisman finalist yet when this happened, he was still a starting football player at Notre Dame. I was an athlete at Georgia Tech and the bench riding football players were dating beautiful women just because they had a uniform.  This has been on my mind for days now because it's the only way any of this story makes any sense. It's terrible that some guy and his female cousin set up and implemented a hoax posing at a leukemia-ridden woman (using the picture of one woman and the name of another) to fool a college athlete purely for entertainment. What makes matters even worse is they arranged for their created character to die of her leukemia right after the kid's grandmother (whose real, confirmed) died; it's borderline sickening that people stoop this low for no discernible reason. For him to be naive enough to not pick up on the fact that things were right and desperate enough to feel the need to embellish it, what other explanation is there? Like most guys who are embarrassed about their inability to get women in college (I had a roommate in college who I to this day think was lying to hide his homosexuality), Manti was lying on his dick about a girl he had never even met (or even see on Skype, Face Time, Oovoo, etc). That's why his teammates claim they knew something was fishy before this scam broke. "Stop lying Manti, she's not your girl. You didn't meet her." No Manti, apparently you didn't talk to her for 4 hours a night for 5 months; unless this is the most effective and dedicated con-woman in the history of mankind. She got that kind of time to devote to toying with you? Does she not have a job, kids, or her own life? Unless she's being paid handsomely by the man identified as the mastermind (who apparently ran a similar scam on someone 4 years ago), I have no idea why she continued to participate. I've heard the idea that maybe he was involved setting up the hoax to garner more attention for his Heisman campaign. However this doesn't make sense because 1) Notre Dame was not seen as a National Championship contender a year ago, they didn't even enter the season ranked. We had never heard of him, he wasn't on the Heisman radar and even wasn't after this happened; he got notoriety when Notre Dame started playing good. 2) That would be assuming he started a hoax in preparation of his grandmother dying so he could claim this fake chicks death compounded at the same time. I don't know Manti personally but his reputation is too good and I'm too optimistic to truly believe he'd stoop that low. I realize that certain questions won't be answered (you loved her but didn't attempt to go to her funeral? console her family?) but fuck it, I don't believe he did it. He's meeting with advisers about how to 'respond' to this confusing situation, but I don't think there's anything he can say were he doesn't end looking incredibly desperate or naive; Steve Urkel (the nerd, not his alter ego Stefan) is laughing at his inability to pull women. I have all the advice he needs: If you want to avoid this level of embarrassment ever befalling you again, get your game tight and start pursuing women in person, where they're tangible and confirmed...for him, make sure you're checking for Adam's Apples and nutsacks though. Do Better...