Stop Me When I Start Lying: Blessed Celeb Leaks

I know all of the ethical and legal issues surrounding hacking people's phones to obtain their pictures. But I was not sad to see the beautiful naked forms of Meagan Goode, Gabrielle Union, Jennifer Lawrence (pictured above), Scarlett Johannsen, Kate Upton, Rihanna, Kim Khardashian (even though those last two were already no strangers to nudity) and others. The "Fappening" has been an interesting pop culture occurrence. If caught, they will have to face John E. Law for their hacking. But until then, I'm nominating you (whoever you are) for sainthood. Salute. You've made the Internet a more interesting place. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: The Engagement Ring Scam

Oh, so I'm cheap if I don't spend 3-4 months salary on an engagement ring? Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit. You can't con a conman. Where did such a "rule" come from?...Oh, the biggest diamond company in the world. It's that fucking convenient. That's like a car company making commercial calling you cheap if you're not spending $70K or more on a car; yeah, cuz that's not a conflict of interest or anything. Once upon a time, people got engaged with no ring, and got married with only a wedding band; to signify their bond. Then in the 1930's, DeBeers (the world's dominant jeweler, who just found an abundance of diamonds in South African mines) hired a marketing agency to figure out how to move more diamonds. The agency polls Americans and finds that every day Americans think diamonds are only for the super rich. So the company response was "Hey, what if I told you that for one month's salary you can get a diamond for your fiance until she gets her wedding ring?" Americans jumped on it. 40 years later or so, they decide to get even more greedy and revamp their campaign suggesting 2-3 months' salary be spent on the engagement ring instead. I didn't come from a big money family, I have a good job now, if I save up 25% of my yearly salary, it needs to be getting spent on a house, or some other major investment, not a trinket to sit on my lady's finger. And I love my lady. But I call any woman crazy if she feels "entitled" to a ring worth 3 months salary. Hell, if she's trying to start a life with you, is she still gonna expect you to save up enough for a wedding and down payment immediately after? Sound like some selfish shit to me. When's the next time you ladies are gonna spend 25% of a good jobs' salary on one specific gift for your man mother fuckers? Not for the both of you, not for him and the kids, just for your man? Never. So fellas, get your woman something nice that she should like and direct your financial goals elsewhere (house, business, investment, etc.). If your lady don't think you good enough or don't love her enough because you didn't spend car money on the ring, fuck her, she's too materialistic anyway. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Stop Me When I Start Lyin: AP is not Ray Rice

Despite the other involved factors in the Ray Rice situation becoming such a big debacle (the commissioners' continually hypocritical stance changes, the Ravens' possible cover up attempt, the phantom security footage sent/not sent to the NFL office, etc.), no one can deny Ray Rice was wrong in both aspects of his transgression: the action itself, and the severity. The severity of punching your woman so hard it knocks her unconscious is horrific. But even if she weren't knocked unconscious, the action of punching your wife is wrong, especially being that the video shows she wasn't imminently pressing the action. No matter what happened before to lead up to it, when you're in the position Ray's in (career with high visibility, very high salary, short career span, etc.), you have to handle it better than he did. Hell, they were the only two in the elevator, had he not dragged her out and dropped her on her face, suspicion wouldn't have been heightened. But the die has been cast for Rice, and he'd have to get lucky to have a second chance in the NFL during his prime.

Adrian Peterson is not Ray Rice. Peterson is in hot water because his 4 year old child was taken to the hospital with lots of welts from AP whipping him with a switch. Once again, I like at 1) the action, and 2) the severity. The action itself of whipping your child is not alarming at all to me; I was a bad kid once and my parents kept me in line this way. As for the whip, Adrien Peterson is from Palestine, TX. I've never been but it strikes me as an old school country place. Although I was raised in more of a city (I got punched in the face instead), I have country cousins, country friends, city friends who spent time with their country family members, etc. EVERYBODY got beaten with a switch, it virtually ALWAYS leaves welts. AP was likely no different as a kid, it's what he knows. So my issue with the switch wasn't its use alone, that's where severity comes in. The kid is 4, which I believe is too young for the switch to be used. He should still be getting open hand-to-butt whooping over clothes I believe. Plus AP is a professional athlete and workout addict, if you were using a switch (which I don't condone), it should be getting a very very dialed back swing instead of any full swings; and probably 3-4 swings instead of 15 or whatever it was. AP has several kids by several women, meaning he likely rarely spends one on one time with some of these kids. Could the kid have been disobeying out of unfamiliarity which contributed? I don't know. But AP went overboard which how he punished his child this particular time. He may need to be suspended for a short while, sent to some time of parenting counseling, learn a lesson to make himself a better parent, and move on. I don't think this should be treated like Rice's situation. I don't think he should be cut, banned from the league, or anything else. He's a parent who did the wrong thing for the right reason (presumably). I assume every parent probably had moments where they went overboard to make a point, learned from it and never did it again. Just because he's a pro athlete doesn't mean we can remove his opportunity to learn on the job as a parent. Let's keep this in context. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Did This Fucker Say Affluenza????

Yeah, you correctly read the picture above. A 16-year old rich kid got behind the wheel of a car drunk and ended up killing for people in Texas. What's his punishment you ask? Well, he's getting rehab and therapy because the judge bought that he had 'affluenza' meaning his parents are so wealthy and privileged that he couldn't be expected to know right from wrong....Are you fucking kidding me? U're telling me that professional experts are taking the witness stand and insisting that affluenza is a defense to keep killers out of prison? I thought the legal system claimed to enforce the law period rather than trying to psycho-analyze why the defendant doesn't know right from wrong. Where was this case for kids whose poor parents were working too much to teach their kids right from wrong? Or kids raising themselves because their parents weren't worth a damn? Is there such thing as poor-fluenza? How about Black-fluenza? This may be the most asinine modern legal ruling I've heard of in decades. I've contended for some time now that in the post-segregation era, money and social status serve as more of enabler or obstruction than race; this is another example. No matter how the judge justifies her decision, what will be taken away from this case for future legal precedent is that "affluenza" is a viable defense if the defendant is rich enough to qualify. That scares me. Like society needs another highly publicized example of how kids born with a silver spoon in their mouths can do whatever they want with whatever punishment their parents can afford (in this case, dad pays for $450K rehab sessions) while lower or even middle class Americans would have been looking at jail time, at least some. So judge, what you actually did by succumbing to the ridiculous 'affluenza' defense was you made the "condition" worse and allowed it to become ingrained in legal precedent going forward. I don't even know you, but I hate your guts. But you probably don't care about my opinion because I'm not rich enough anyway. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Riley and Miley: He Says Nigger While She Can't Stop Twerkin'

That's right motherfucker, I'm talking about Riley (Cooper) and Miley (Cyrus) in the same article. In the past decades, hip-hop culture and pop culture have converged. Many white people who grew up in all white environments - these two included - had a choice whether to embrace, ignore, respectfully abstain, or resent the overwhelming subculture the Black community created. These two are case studies in different options. For those who don't know, Riley Cooper (from Oklahoma City, OK and then Clearwater, FL) is a backup wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles. At a country music concert at the stadium Cooper was denied backstage access by a Black security guard and was caught on camera saying "I'll fight every nigger in here." Let's break this down: 1) Why the fuck should Riley Cooper have backstage access without proper passes? He's an Eagle, but he ain't no damn star; this wasn't Michael Vick. The guard probably had no fucking idea who he was or why he thought he was so important. He might as well have let my ass back stage, I'm as readily recognizable as Riley Cooper. The guard was just doing his job. 2) I guess since it was a country concert (one of few nigger-free functions in Philly), Riley thought he could let his hair down and unleash the inner racist he's forced to hold inside at work with no repercussions...in 2013? Yo dumb ass, cameras are everywhere, even though your a backup. 3) Before anyone starts the "he can say it since you Black say it" conversation, let me explain my take on that. If he was caught reciting rap lyrics, using it as a term of endearment among his Black friends, or anything else that I could call "a product of coming up in Black culture", it wouldn't necessarily be acceptable but it would be somewhat understandable. But he used it in the pissed slave master sense; like "how dare you nigger disobey me and stop me from doing what I want to? I'll whip you and every other nigger in here." He's gonna have a hard time trying to get anyone to believe that he's never used that word before and he has no hard feelings towards Black people. My conclusion: He was never fully comfortable with/accepting of Black people or the subculture we spawned. He's learned to co-exist with Black people but always had some feelings of disdain/resentment towards them inside which he let slip out. He's supremely fucked up. He's an expendable player in a 70% Black sport in one of the biggest, Blackest cities in America for a team that needs success without distractions. You've lost the trust of your teammates (and many of the notoriously harsh Philly fans) and now depend on their professionalism to co-exist and perform well with you. The fact that his coach, his owner, and even the league's commissioner didn't take a stand on the issue at all is bullshit in its own right, but that's a story for another day. He better keep his head down and ball out or he might be the most athletic worker in a Sam's Club stock room this time next year.

On the other hand, you have Hannah Montana herself. Cyrus, who grew up on a 500 acre farm in Tennessee before making it to Hollywood as a Disney child star, has hit the age where she's rebelliously finding her identity as a grown up rock star. Like many child stars, she has found the "bad boy/girl" temptation-filled lifestyle appealing now than the heavy parent-protected life of innocence and wholesomeness that they came up in. What's interesting is some of the hobbies and friends she's picked up along the way. In addition to the rock star hair, the provocative clothes, and the overall newfound edginess, she has become infatuated with a product of early-2000's club style hip-hop: Twerking. That's right, the dance style born in Africa, refined by the modern stripper/video chick, and popularized by a hip-hop culture that is enamored with watching and feeling (with their pelvic region) the different ways women can shake the meat on the lower half of their bodies. She was probably behind stage on the set of "Hannah Montana" watching Ying Yang Twins and Two Short videos when her parents weren't looking. Now that her country singer dad isn't lording over her and her weight has made it into the triple digits (hopefully) she thinks she has enough meat to take part in it herself. For the record, I've seen the videos, she may be American's most popular twerker right now, but she lacks the meat in her ass/thigh/hamstring area to be an All-Star at the craft; she gets points for her effort though. Hell, she got sarcastically shouted out by Jay-Z about and that fucker's in his 40s. She's popped up on stage at a Juicy J concert to show off her new 'skill' and probably searches for rappers to party with instead of her former Disney contemporaries and some less twerk-friendly music. My conclusion: Like much of young white America, she wants to be not only Black, but borderline hood because she thinks its cool. But she's overdoing it, you can't go from Taylor Swift to Rihanna overnight. Although she clearly accepts and enjoys hip hop culture, but as Jay-Z has said a good little Disney white girl turned bad (and/or ratchet) in the spotlight is among America's worst nightmares. Although it's not what I want when I talk about a truly diverse and accepting country, Miley entertains me. Hell, I can't imagine how middle America is gonna panic when some Black entertainer or athlete starts stretching her pussy out. Call me vile for the last sentence if you want, but Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: The Perfect Celeb Female Friend

Rihanna. Gorgeous man-eater. Femme Fatale herself. Hot-headed Rock Star Queen. Untameable beautiful beast ...best female friend imaginable? Rihanna....let that sink in. Robin "Rihanna" Fenty, 'Femme Fatale' herself. She's like Poison Ivy from Batman reincarnated as a Caribbean rock star. Let's list some of the detractors we've learned if you're a guy trying to make her your lady (Hello, Chris Brown, Matt Kemp, etc). She's erratic. She's impulsive and simple arguments can become fist fights quickly (That Trinidadian in her) . She's a drinking, smoking party animal who's "open minded sexually"; a nice way of saying she fucks who she wants, when she wants, regardless of what anyone (including he boyfriend/main guy) thinks about it. She's a man-eater who'll love you hard and break your heart if you're shooting for hers. I know all this...but if I was in a room with her. That Poison Ivy potion might pull me in too. That's what makes my guy Wale brilliant. I heard him in an interview recently telling why he loves being platonic friends with her and hasn't attempted anything more. Rihanna is always fun to be around, got her own bread, probably provides alcohol and weed everywhere she goes(I don't smoke, but ppl I know who roll with weed always have friends) rolls with other beautiful party animals (probably safer one night stand/fling candidates than her), she seems a little bi-curious (you could be front row to some interesting drunken sights), likes strip clubs, likes sporting events, knows music (also Wale's passion), and got connections worldwide. On top of all that, she can help you make a hit single and she'd probably beat some chick's ass if she hurt you. It's perfect. Whether you're in the mood to see some naked women, a ballgame, party, or just get blown and listen to music at the crib, she'd be the perfect female road dog. By not getting involved in her convoluted love/sex life, you're gaining all the advantages while avoiding the downfall of the Black Widow's venom. I salute you, Mr. Folarin. You've figured out that by being cool as hell with her but not fucking her (probably not the easiest to resist), you may  be one of the first guys to get very close to her without the inevitable heartbreak, unsatiated lust, and distraction, violent episodes, etc. I know, sounds crazy telling someone to get close to Rihanna without getting any of that glorious vagina; it does sound crazy but I don't know if the ends justify the means. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

My Inner Goon: Baby Mothers

This was hilarious when I saw it. But be careful running around telling everyone that every chick you mess with is a dime. Some guys out fucking up, smashing that fat/ugly/subpar slump buster with no condom and no pull out. That evidence will share you around. Many guys, myself included, have that Inner Goon; you gotta try to be responsible with that nigga though. The word don't need more half ugly children whose dad is slack because he's mad he got an undesirable pregnant. Life is short my ass. Your Inner Goon just signed you up for 18 years of possible misery...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Guns for Heroes?

"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." 

Although Harvey Dent (in "The Dark Knight") was talking about Julius Caesar and his absolute reign over Rome, it became true about him as he transitioned from passionately heroic DA into villainous "Two Face". Although it was a movie, this quote is very true of many situations. With that being said,the recent argument that gun lobbyists are making that to prevent tragedy such as the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy, we must arm everyone with the potential to be a hero in such situations (bosses in office buildings, principals in schools, etc) has even less credibility. What happens when we put arms in the hands of everyone we believe is a potential hero and they stay at that post with no bad guy threats? So we're already assuming that all authority figures (and their successors who will have access to the same weapons) are trustworthy with such power and will step up and be valiant in such a trying moment. Even if we were right about the character of EVERY person we arm, what happens when normal business and normal human reactions take place? People get fired, get laid off, are forced into budget cuts or business decisions they don't agree with, get mad, etc...and we've armed them. We armed Osama Bin Laden and his forces long ago when we shared a common opponent during the Iraq-Iran War. We had a difference of opinion a few years afterwards, nasty words were exchanged, and all those weapons were turned on us; the rest is history. Recently, in many parts of Africa, the Middle East, and Asia there have been civil wars, coups, and leadership changes with varying levels of international involvement. Often the international community and the population themselves fully support the leaders forging the revolution.They perceive them to be liberating the people from the currently established tyranny; often, only to find that once in power they never want to relinquish it and will install their own brand of tyranny to maintain it. Power is a funny thing in what it can turn even the most ambitious and noble individual into. The liberty of many civilizations has been stolen to thunderous applause. So if you arm that 40 year old general during his conquest to liberate his people from the previous tyrant, how does that make you feel when the 55 year old version of the same man turns those guns on any of his people or any outsiders he considers a threat to his unbridled power? Obviously, the NRA is not talking about dictators, but the same concepts apply. The boss of your company may be less likely to accept outside opinions  from anyone if he knows that he is the one man in the building with the key to the weapons vault. These are things that must be considered before anyone starts handing out guns hoping that it acts as a deterrent; you've laid the seeds for these incidents to turn into full-fledged gunfights. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: The Illusion of Cristoforo Colombo

I had to work the holiday to celebrate the arrival of Cristoforo Colombo (later made Spanish into Cristobal Colon and then further Westernized into Christopher Columbus) in the 'New World' some 520 years ago. It would've been nice to have an additional day in Atlanta, where I spent my weekend and hell, everybody likes an extra day off. But the truth of the matter is Columbus (like many people in history) gets more credit than he deserves. Did it take balls to leave your home country and ask rival countries to get support to finance his insatiable thirst of exploration? Of course. It took even bigger balls to go out and do it. Kudos to him for that. BUT, his credit stops there for several reasons: 1) He was not the first person from another continent to land there, Chinese explorers, African explorers, and possibly others beat him to North and South America; which was also inhabited by Natives anyway. It's nice how history tends to take your side when your sponsors have more map makers and book writers than the competition 2) Dude missed his target (India) by 8000 miles and somehow couldn't figure that out. I know navigation wasn't what it is today but that was a significantly shorter trip. If I didn't use GPS or maps but planned on driving to California and got there in 12 hours, I'd know I was somewhere other than my destination. Wanna know why it's called America and not "Columbus Land"?? Because Amerigo Vespucci could figure out that he was in The New World instead of India and Columbus was running around calling Native Americans "Indians." Plus we all know the gruesome process of colonization that Columbus essentially pioneered in this part of the world; there came to be a practical 10 step manual --1) Befriend Natives on arrival, 2) Exploit Natives for all useful knowledge (farming, hunting, climate, geography, resources, etc), 3) Kill strongest members of Native culture, 4) Kill children who seem to have capability of growing into future threats, 5) Enslave remaining women and children, 6) Rape Native women therefore passing Euro-based STDs globally, 7) Burn and pillage Native villages, 8) Denounce Native traditions and religions, 9) Oppress Native people with white superiority logic, 10) Take credit for all knowledge gained (which will make it into future History textbooks) and call Native people "Savages." Although Columbus wasn't as heavily involved in all 10 of these steps as other Conquistadors (Hello, Henan Cortez), his hands were dirty enough to be disliked for his involvement. But hey, the spoils go to the victors when it comes to tell the stories of history. So I'd take Columbus Day as another excuse to miss work if I got the option, but I'm not sucking him off like everyone else. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Read up if you don't know:
http://rense.com/general43/before.htm

http://wn.com/1421_the_year_china_discovered_america?_%7B1_of_8%7D

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Sexual Evolution

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Don't Be Fooled, Crime Ain't Random

Since I've been here, every few days I'm involved in a conversation where someone is asking me a lot of questions about what America is really like. Or they're making statements based on their pre-conceived notions of America. One of the hot-button topics is often crime. One female from my church, native of a recently war torn African country, told me she's interested in living in Canada but is scared to go to America because "it's so dangerous, I might get raped or something." I should've grabbed her by the shoulders and shaken the shit out of her. I don't get it becuz some Africans have seen some level of civil war but are scared of the image they have of American street crime. I shouldn't be surprised because much of the American population (middle or upper class white America mainly, but some minorities who have successfully disconnected from the hood; which isn't a bad thing) doesn't understand how crime works in America; how could I possibly expect someone who's never been there to understand? i feel like they're just taking the movies and tv they see way too seriously. It has somehow convinced them that crime is widespread and random. And for others, they have claimed they wanted to see some of these dangerous places they hear about; "I wanna go to Brooklyn, I wanna see the Bronx, I wanna see where Jay-Z is from." My response, "No the hell u don't" When I start hearing such ridiculous remarks, I know it's time for me to educate them. I'm not a thug, I'm not some hood dude, but I've been exposed to the hood and hood people enough to have a deeper understanding of how the crime works. The truth is that crime ain't random, it's targeted, for Americans just like foreigners. You have to find ways not to make urself a target. If u're visiting a America as a tourist and u go to tourist places or you go to places with a native who knows where they're goin, you should be ok. But if u show up to places u don't belong and have no business, or u're wearing a lot of valuables in plain sight, or u're starting shit with ppl, u're not in a good position. As an American - even if I was a New Yorker - I wouldn't go to Queensbridge or Marcy, I have no business there and the natives there know that. In the projects, the natives see and know everything and they're opportunists, looking for an easy come up. That's why someone who's not actually rich but flaunts his wealth in the form of material things such as these upstart rappers and athletes are much more often targeted than someone like Steve Jobs, who's a billionaire but doesn't flaunt his wealth. Plus, he's not trying to impress anyone by going back to sketchy places and showing off. That's why someone like Young Berg has been robbed more than once despite the fact that he's not actually rich. At the same time, the founder of Google could walk through a crowded mall without security and not be targeted; probably not even recognized. White collar crime, computer hacking and all those things are an entirely different issue, but as far as street level violence. People need to chill out with these hyperbolized notions. Just watch ur back, be smart, and don't go places u have no business and u'll be fine.

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Restaurants 'Pimpin' Their Workers in Malaysia

Before I start passing any kind of judgment, I’m gonna describe a situation and you think about it for a second and tell me what kind of job you think it sounds like I’m describing. Someone has the pull to smuggle, well, let’s say bring (without much resistance) beautiful women over from a nearby country. They provide them with a strictly controlled housing situation. They revamp their wardrobe and try to add some more ‘sexy’ to their image to enhance their attractiveness to the customer base. They put strict weight limits (enforced by expensive fines, $75/kilogram) on the women, give them cooks so they don’t have to leave their place for food, control their transportation on a strict schedule to and from work, and enforce strict, unreasonable (9 pm for grown ass women) curfews on the women on their off days. Take a moment and let me know what you come up with. U thinking what I’m thinking? She works for Pimpin Ken off Moreland in East Atlanta; or the deep-voiced poet on HBO’s “Hookers at the Point” has told a rhyme about her. Even on the legal side, maybe high fashion or pageant model who needs to stay at 6’1, 90 lbs to make sure she doesn’t get booted out of the industry because she has enough meat that her ribs don’t show. Good guess, but wrong. This is what they do to the women who work in restaurants who do nothing more than come and sit at your table looking good, make conversation and ensure that you have a lot of fun and laughs while spending a lot of money obviously. I had a conversation with two Filipino women who are roommates and work at two different restaurants in this role. It sounds like they were granted visas to come live in Kuala Lumpur by an ‘agency’ just for the purpose of being one of a restaurant’s in-store table escorts. At first I was thinking there must be more to it than what they’re saying, like they may be turning tricks after work or something and don’t want to tell us. After all, this is the land of the reflexology massage parlors, which are constantly under investigation for ‘vice’ activities as the newspaper calls them; I guess this is where the US massage parlors (also employing most Asian women) got their “happy endings” from. But it seems like they were being honest when they said their driver is standing by precisely at the end of their shift to take them straight home when they get off work at midnight; the cook is still available if they are hungry also. Crazy. Maybe it’s legit. Maybe there’s an intense on-going competition about who has the hottest in-house escorts or something. Maybe all the guys who are legit business owners now used to be pimps and use the same business plan in their current business for how to attract men and control women that work for you. They say it’s the world’s oldest profession. I guess it wouldn’t have lasted if the business plan didn’t work. Stop Me When I Start Lying…

Stop Me When I Start Lying: The Ever Important Hamstring

My last two entries were of a fairly serious nature, so I need to resort back to somethin fairly silly yet enlightening and opinionated. That's right, another segment of Stop Me When I Start Lying. So I need to shed light on a subject I had a conversation with some females about recently: the importance of the hamstring. So many guys get caught up in teh normal T&A when discussing their attractive to the female form and I'm a fan too. But as the spring and summer months come and the short shorts come out, nothin can tarnish ur attractiveness like a Muffin Top (previously blogged about) or a pair of hamstring-less "tube legs." This is the ever popular condition where someone's thigh is just about as small around as their calf and it looks like they're leg is having trouble supporting whatever weight or booty they do have. Here are some visuals and to avoid being partial (becuz I am a tad racist on my women preferences), all visuals will be white women:See what I mean? It's like, yeah, she wearing some with her entire leg out, but who gives a shit? Even if she has a half scoop of booty it looks like the top of a Blow Pop compared to the stick its attached to. When the leg is out, whether u have some booty or not (just it's really about the ratios neway), the hamstring just makes things flow that much more smoothly. Check out these visuals:
And now we're talkin folks. Now if a guy gets that picture of u n the mirror n some lingerie on his phone, that side view of ur leg is a tremendous attribute to the picture rather than just an inevitable inclusion at the bottom of the screen. In the top pic, I'm not sure if the chick legitimately has much ass or not, but those legs are delectable. Maybe being around athletic women has skewed my opinion toward more toned and proportional body types, but I've seen the pictures of women like Lola Angel Luv (whatever that plastic chick's name is) and it doesn't do it for me. Even though she has a nice upper body, stomach, and waistline to go with that 12.5 lbs of silicone booty, it just doesn't look right with little toothpick tube legs. She looks like her legs are gonna give out from under her. It's a little unfortunate. So ladies of the world, it's wonderful to c that so many women do value staying in shape and looking good; i plan on working out for the bulk of my life and I appreciate that effort on my lady's part. But for your own benefit, do a personal assessment and figure out if you have tube legs. If you do, no biggie, just try to incorporate 10-12 minutes body of body squats or box step-ups into ur routine to tone that hamstrings up a little. Becuz I assure u, when u have on ur summer skirts and shorts, ppl are looking. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

I know, another superficial article about women, u think I'm shallow. I'm an athlete who is around athletes alot, u think I'm spoiled on stuff like that. Whatever, say wut u want. I've Been Called Worse...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Beating VS. Cheating

My mind was blown ("mind boggled" as Ray J's dumb ass would say) by a conversation I had with a female friend of mine recently. We were having a usual discussion about how Tiger Wood's personal life wasn't my business and the only people he owed an apology to for living foul were his wife, family and close friends. I have a slightly pessimistic opinion on how monogamous people are in relationships where one person spends more than half the year on the road (athletes, traveling salesmen, etc.). Combine that with the fact that I knew nothing about Tiger personally before and I'm not exactly surprised at what has been exposed and the shock value wore off to me long before the media. I told the lady that I would have been more surprised if he was a woman beater, pedophile, cross dresser or some type of criminal or weirdo. She told me that she believes that in marriage, it's easier to get over a guy beating his wife than that man cheating on his wife.......................WHAT????? Alright, I'm a guy, and my mother is the type who would throw boiling water on a man in his sleep if he was stupid enough to lay a hand on her so maybe my view is different than hers. But I still don't understand that logic. In my dealings with women, I often try to think about things as far as "what would I do if this happened to a sister if I had one?" If I had a sister and her husband cheated on her (assuming she's been a good wife), I'm going to be telling her to leave him immediately cuz she doesn't need to leave herself in a situation to be hurt like that. However,it wouldn't surprise me if they got separated for a while, took some time apart to do their own things and eventually they wanted to get back together. I'd tell her that he has to earn that trust back and all, but overall I could let the past be the past and move on. If the husband was beating my sister - whether she's bein a good wife or not - WE GOT PROBLEMS. I'm not a hot head, but I would take a page from Sonny from the Godfather, I'm fuckin this dude's shit up. And I'll tell him "If she ever comes through my door with a black eye again, I'll kill you." Don't think I'm condoning cheating at all, it's a violation of the sanctity of the relationship and I'm in no way denying that. But it's gotten to the point where cheating, on both sides, is so widespread that it's no more shocking than just disappointing. It's estimated that 50% of married people have cheated, and studies show that those aren't the same 50% that are divorced either, there's a significant amount of overlap. No one seems to look at cheaters differently unless they have legal implications or theatric value. BUT BEATING???Look at Ike Turner's reputation more than a quarter century after him and Tina divorced. Everyone forgot that he was a rock & roll pioneer and just remember him as a the guy beating Anna Mae. Hell, look how fast Chris Brown's career has all but disappeared, and we know that Rihanna probably provoked a lot of that cuz she is crazy and violent herself. Didn't stop his name from becoming the new verb for woman beating. "Shut up before I Chris Brown ur ass." This dude had to get on camera practically begging for his fans back. People don't end up doing interviews with Larry King or Barbara Walters over cheating. Hell, Swizz Beatz and Dwyane Wade both left their wives for celebrity women in the past year or two and have been flaunting their newer richer chicks all over the place, no one has called them or their wives for any interviews about their affairs turned new relationships. By definition, Gabrielle Union and Alicia Keys are home wreckers; very, very fine home wreckers, but home wreckers nonetheless. Hasn't seemed to hurt their careers at all. Just like it hasn't hurt several male and female public figures who have been caught cheating. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Do Better: Fans, Stop Disrespecting History

Alright, enough is enough. I get into these arguments about Kobe Bean Bryant quite often. It could be a discussion of whether I'd rather have him or LeBron to build a team around, it could be that I still think Chris Paul deserved that MVP a few yrs ago more than Kobe, it could be a lot of other things. They are usually in a somewhat joking fashion for the sake of arguing. But one argument in particularly got under my skin recently. It was argued to me by a teammate of mine that Kobe will very soon be the best Lakers player of all-time. Talk about being heated...He almost got swung on. I told him like Vince Vaughn "YOU BITE YOUR TONGUE" for saying something so blasphemous. I'm not a Kobe fan for a multitude of reasons - Snitchin on Shaq, Letting His Ego Help Torpedo a Dynasty In Vain, Sodomizing Random White Women, Bad Talking Teammates On YouTube, Giving Himself a Number Right Above Jordan's, Plays for the Evil Empire of the NBA, etc - but I can admit that he's a phenomenal player and will retire as one of the top two or three players to ever have played the shooting guard position. But that statement was a slap in the face of many great players, two in particular who are among the best to have ever played the game. Look back at that picture, notice who's on top of who. For him to dismiss Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (not to even mention West, Baylor, etc.) so smoothly was downright insulting and I wasn't even alive during their primes. Jabbar revolutionized the way the center position was played, before him big men had no footwork, no low post moves or anything. Hell, the man invented the "skyhook" (shown in the picture) which is a staple of every big man's game now. He's the one who made the position into art. And Magic...he's undoubtedly the only player in NBA history that he could have been legendary at all five positions. If u don't believe me, ask the 1980 Eastern Conference Champion Philly 76ers who faced the Lakers in the Finals. Magic, a rookie point guard, had to fill in at CENTER (against their legendary players Julius "Dr. J" Erving and Moses Malone) for Jabbar due to injury in Game 6. What did he do?? Only went for 42 pts, 15 rebounds, and 7 assists as the Lakers won the Championship. He undoubtedly changed the game with his versatility and he stands beside Oscar Robertson as the mold for the current floor general versatile point guard. So as my anger over this blasphemy subsided, I realized the problem. There are many sports fans who simply don't know their sports history. This causes people to automatically say that the best players they saw in their lifetime have to be the best to ever play the game. This has been going on since the Jordan Era, fortunately he deserved it so it wasn't a problem. But it also causes statements I've heard like "Brady, Manning and Favre are the 3 greatest QBs ever", "Steve Nash and Jason Kidd are the best point guard floor generals ever", and more applicably "Kobe and Shaq were the best duo ever," All of the people named are legendary and will go down in history among the best of their eras for sure. But don't make statements about "all-time" or "ever" without doing your research. Kobe is currently the most polished player in the league and is remarkable at what he does, however, he's mimicking in the Jordan mold. Unless he either finds a way to fundamentally change the way the position/game is played like the others did or just wins a ridiculously high number of rings, he will not pass them in the history books. He's fabulous, but pump your breaks overstep your boundaries promoting your favorite player. History deserves that much. Do Better...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: A Lotta Woman, the Good Kind

I've frequently had conversations with my friends about the shapes and sizes of women I find myself attracted to. And in these convos, usually the words "That's a lotta woman" is not used in a good way; even if she's not nasty, the woman mentioned is usually more than I'm ready for. There is a certain weight range and certain bodily ratios (stomach to breast, stomach to butt AKA "Booty Do") that are acceptable and others that are not for me; for instance, a severe muffin top stomach (see "muffin top" blog entry if u don't know what it is) throws almost any ratio out of whack. It's my taste, I know clearly on sight what I can and can't handle. My range is actually bigger than some would guess for me, but there are usually definite barriers. However, the above picture has thoroughly vexed me on this subject. This woman pictured (courtesy MediaTakeOut.com) is a model named Kai Lynn who is reportedly 5'5 and 200 lbs. When I close my eyes and imagine 5'5 and 200 lbs, the woman in my vision is just fat and nasty causing my face inevitably to turn very sour. However, this chick's shape is remarkable to be carrying this kind of weight. She still has a wonderful waist line to go with great ratios and a cute face. It may be fake, they're faking everything else now, I dunno. But nonetheless, this boggled my mind as I did not think this was possible. In my experience, I've never met a chick at any height who could hold 200 lbs (that I knew about anyway) in a manner that makes me say "Oh yeah, I like that." So seeing this was somewhat of a shock. I've seen shapes where there was too much booty and it become unmanageable in a sexual sense; furthermore, gravity takes its toll on that kind of meat as time wears on and sagginess ensues. But in this case, I'm not sure whether I'll sink or swim, but she's worth me jumping in the water to see. I'll take that L like a man if I can't handle it. So for now, I tip my hat to you Kai, u've made me a believer for now. I just hope that it looks that same way without the tights on, and I wish u luck that u don't become a victim of gravity lowering its droopy boom on ur sexiness. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Sexism VS. Gender Understanding

In this first Stop Me If I Start Lying of the year 2010, I'd like to explore some of my views on gender traits and relations. This is often dangerous territory becuz it leads to the perception that u are a sexist for bringing these trends up. However, even when they start pulling out the word sexist, I rarely hear anybody justifiably disagree with me on the ideas that I highlight. I love women and they're irreplaceable.
DISCLAIMER: Before reading any further, please know that just as all generalizations do, these traits do not apply to every woman, it's just an popular topic I've seen evidence of in my dealing with women. Men have their share of issues too and I don't deny that; however, I've learned how to deal and function around and within them more than I have so far with the female gender.

• It's 2010 and a lot of women argue that they're no longer restricted to gender roles, men and women are now equal, and they don't need no man. However, I tend to find this only applies at their convenience, men are still expected to buy a drink just for the "privilege" of talking to some chick u don't even know (and in her eyes, any friends she brought too), on any casual date it is expected that he will pay (not meaning women paying doesn't happen, but that women paying is still very much a luxury and it's often a victory if she's cool with a split bill). It seems at times as if they believe their money is more valuable than a man's. I've even heard women cite guys they know that are strictly platonic friends who they call only when they want to go out somewhere but not want to spend any of their money and they know he'll pick it up. Men who don't embody the traditional gender role of being a working provider are often ridiculed. I don't think I know a guy who haven't run themselves broke at some point to make sure his lady has a good time; i dunno how many ladies I know who would have done the same.
• I'm not and most likely never will be a huge women's basketball fan. No offense, but I watch sports to marvel at what the athletes can do. I need to see people getting dunked on, catching alley oops, and things of this nature to stay excited. I get called racist when I say this but women don't attend women's bball nearly as much as men's bball either.
  
• I'm very independent and solution-oriented, I was raised that way and that isn't gonna change. It became a character trait that I admire; someone who wants a man rather than just needing one. I don't usually ask for things, that is often my last resort if finding my own answer or solution proves unsuccessful or irrational. I've met women who are the opposite, they'd rather ask than get their hands dirty or make changes to their tough process. After a certain age, reaching out to parents or ur man before attempting to find ur own solutions just ain't right. Life throws obstacles at people, adapting and finding ways to deal with them independently is part of growing up. As Kevin Hart would say "U have to be a part of ur own rescue."
• Shopping is not a hobby. Hobbies are constructive activities that build skills and may or not require money (instruments, supplies, etc). Shopping is the HABIT of spending money on urself. Much different.
• I believe that beautiful women are the most manipulative and privileged (in an everyday action sense) people on the planet. There are so many things that would fly coming from some beautiful woman that would not fly coming from some guy. I've heard women complain about not being bought drinks all night, not getting free, not being able to skip the line and get in free at crowded night spots, not being able to flirt their way out of speeding tickets, even just not getting their way every time they ask for something, and many other things becuz they're used to them. They don't get any sympathy from me becuz unless I have connections, none of those things will happen to me anyway. They take advantage of this objectification but then protest the fact that women are objectified. It's one thing if u're beautiful but u're still down to earth about things and happen to get some perks thrown ur way, that's no problem. But those who purposely flaunt things or act certain ways (flirting, sensual positioning, etc) just to take advantage shouldn't be complaining about being objectified.
• If chivalry is dead (rather than just in a reduced role), then women undoubtedly killed it. Don't complain about lack of chivalry when u don't respect nice guys anymore urself. Chivalry was started becuz it was how u won a lady over, nowadays, it's more likely so send them away, or prompt her to make u the platonic friend she calls when she wants to go out for drinks and get u to pay for them.
• It's interesting to me that both a total lack of self-esteem or an overwhelming sense of self-esteem can both create a monster of out a woman. Too much self-esteem can make a woman unapproachable (even for a regular convo rather than trying holla) and shrewd out of believing they're better than everyone around them. And lack of self-esteem (or self-esteem entirely linked to physical appearance and attention) can manifest itself a lot of different negative ways which we've all seen and I doubt I really have to explain.
• Women making up deep and intricate scenarios in their minds about something that can be explained very simply has begun to annoy me. There are things I've heard women talk about and make up some negative scenario about that I seriously doubt the guy involved even noticed. And then they look at me like I'm crazy if I tell them to fine a way to just ask the guy. I guess they prefer the scenario n rumor game over an explanation, go figure. Men aren't mind readers, talk to us when somethin like this comes up.
  
• Women cheat too, it's not all on us. Honestly, women are a lot better and more efficient at it becuz of the lack of testosterone which causes guys to do extra macho and stupid things.
• The gang mentality that goes on between a lot of women annoys me. While watchin Bad Girls Club at a friend's lady's house, she explained it to me and my friend. Like when there's an argument or something, you automatically have to take sides with ur crew despite how u actually feel about the issue. Ladies, please realize that this 'Absolutist Ultimatum' (the whole "You're either with us or against us" concept) is what every destructive or oppressive force (slave-taking colonists, corrupt bureaucracies, radical political parties, etc) has used to either force compliance or justify attack or alienation. U shouldn't have to deal with that amongst ur friends, keep that in mind. Mentally put urself in the position of both sides of the dispute and then make ur assessment.
• Relationship of not, people need friends. Oftentimes, women kind of disappear from their circle of friends in favor of him. Although I respect this commitment, I think it's too much. And it often causes her to expect him to alienate him from his friends too, which ain't always gonna happen. I feel like people need a few days a wk with their gf/bf, a few days with their friends, and a day or two to themselves. And I'll defend that balance whole heartily.
• "Oh. Well that's different." I've come to hate those words, the justification of BS double standards. If u nag at a guy about something he does when u do the exact same thing, it's not different, it's the exact same thing. Face it. It's hard but I had to learn to admit when I'm wrong about somethin, a lotta women I've met have yet to figure that out.
• Another phrase I've come to hate: "But it's just the way I am." Don't go out being critical of everyone else and wanting ppl to change if u can't deal with criticism. Everybody's shit stinks, if u're critical of ppl, be prepared to hear about urself when u step outta line too. The whole "I can't change, it's just how I am" defense ain't gonna fly.
  

U may think I sound a little sexist, but look at the points objectively and see how many of them u wholeheartedly disagree with. There are women who are exceptions to these points and I love them for that, but they often try to act like these kinds of women are myths that men made up to justify saying these kind of things; they are not. I wrote these out of real life experiences I've had or witnessed. Old gender roles create a condition where women (not all, but many times benefit more from a good relationship than men do. I think a blending of old school gender roles and new age women empowerment is what is necessary for a good, working relationship here in the 2010s. I once sat in a room full of women who all raised their hands when asked "Would u want ur husband to be a stay-at-home husband?" And to this day, I still think at least 90% were lying and wouldn't deal with that situation in reality. I feel like the relationship would b filled with arguments about how he can't make big decisions becuz he's not working and accusations about what he's doing with all his free time. I'm not signing up for that. And in light of the previously mentioned point, any questions about anything I've said should b directed to me and not a circle of female friends who will fill in assumptions for me. Please just ask me. I'll step out on a limb and say that most anyone who reads this will know ppl who fit these descriptions. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

So please, leave me a comment whether u honestly think I'm sexist or just very conscious of differences between the genders. But regardless of wut u say, I've Been Called Worse...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Eve Screwed Adam Over

For this installment of Stop Me When I Start Lying, I wanna shed some light on my opinion of the Biblical story of the devil's temptation and human betrayal. This has come up quite a bit in the last year or two when discussing distrust with women. They always speak to me about what i like to call "Ain't Shit" niggas who betray their trust and walk the Earth gooning like there's no tomorrow. Even though I agree with them about these types, they act like I'm in the wrong when I discuss craziness and untrustworthy traits I've seen in women my age that has raised my guard about these things. So I often have to reference this Biblical story to illustrate my point. It may sound outrageous right now, but it'll be clearer in a minute.
Background (Opinion-free, as it is told):
God created Adam, the world's first man, and created Eve from his rib. He placed them in the Garden of Eden and told them to live and be happy with only one stipulation. The stipulation is that there was one tree in the entire garden that they could not eat from under any circumstances. One day, the devil - in the form of a serpent in the forbidden tree - tempts Eve into taking and biting an apple from the tree. She then takes the forbidden fruit to Adam and he bites it too. Then as they have violated God, they feel naked and try to hide themselves. However, God knows what they have done and punishes them. And this is the first example of human nature and temptation from the "forbidden fruit." Upon further review, this gave me some questions:
What the fuck was this chick doing anywhere near the forbidden tree??
The Garden is full of fruits, plants, berries and other food for Adam and Eve to eat. 99.999% of the Garden is perfectly fine to eat from, more than enough for them. Hell, it's only two of them in the whole garden plus the animals. WHAT THE HELL WAS EVE DOING ANYWHERE NEAR THAT DAMN TREE??? If Adam knew then what I know now, he should have put an electric invisible fence perimeter around that tree and put the collar on Eve so she'd be stopped in her tracks if she got too close. If men are supposed to be the ones who can't deal with temptation, how come Eve is the one who couldn't follow directions from God, the utmost authority figure.
What kinda game did the devil spit to get her to eat the apple??
I don't exactly blame her for falling for the devil's tricks, becuz I know his talk game had extra tight, like Pimpin Ken drinking Hennessy tight. I think her biggest mistake was going over there and entertaining a talking serpent when it came her way. But either way, I wonder what he said. My guess would be somethin like this: "Ay sweet thing, check me out a minute. I know y'all have been eating apples from these other trees cuz that's what God told u, but that's cuz he's holding out. He's just trying to save these apples for himself cuz he knows how good they are. U take a bite of one of these, it might make u a little bit wet downstairs if u know what I mean. U gotta try it. Just take one, it'll grow back, he won't even know." I guess it's his job to b smooth as hell.
After u've messed urself up eatin the apple, why go back and get Adam in trouble to0??
I honestly believe that she didn't tell him where she got it from. The text doesn't say she told him where it came from, so knowing how some women tend to deal with their wrongdoing, I don't believe she told him. A lot of women have trouble saying "I fucked up" and taking personal responsibility; common reactive practices are throwing out unrelated dirt to taint others' character or in this case, trying to get others involved in the same wrongdoing. She knew he would trust her becuz they're the first two people ever, he had no way of knowing that people were capable of being dishonest; he had nobody to warn him or anything. My guess is she probably said something like this when she went to him "Hey baby, i got a surprise for you. Remember that great apple we had a few days back, well this one is WAY better. You HAVE to take a bite."

Counterarguments I've hear from women:
That's his fault, why didn't he ask her where it came from??
Really?? When u live in the Garden of Eden, a huge garden full of food, and u probably eat together multiple times a day (y'all are the only two people after all), I think u'd get pretty damn tired of askin her each and every time where she got it from. If she was standing right beside him when God told them to stay away from it, why would he assume that she would pluck some fruit from that tree. That would violate common sense.
That's his fault, he should've gotten his own apple. What was he doing eating hers?? There must have been something else going on.
I won't call her by name, but a family member of mine tried to twist this into some argument about him being punished for having sex with Eve which made him susceptible to being manipulated by her. She went on to say something about him being too nice to her becuz he must not have been hungry or he would have gotten his own apple, so he got burned for being so generous. Although I understand through experience now that men can get burned by being too nice to women, Adam did not have this experience; so what reason does he have not to be nice to the only other person he's in contact with everyday? And furthermore, that opens up a whole other question about what it is about women that makes them shit on a nice guy's generosity.

So, for the record (becuz my words have been twisted when I explain that my guard his high becuz of my past experiences with crazy women), I am not saying that all women are dishonest/manipulating/conniving, BUT ur gender did start the trait in the Genesis book of the Bible. Delilah and Cleopatra screw their dudes over too, also not doing female credibility any favors. Therefore, I believe there is a high enough percentage (not a majority, but a high enough percentage) that justifies me keeping my guard up when I first meet a woman. I've seen many cases of the face and persona she presents me not being anywhere near the true face and persona that her family and friends know. And it can be shocking, ugly, and disappointing when she takes down that fascade and shows her the real you. So, take it from a man who has been burned by his own trust/generosity towards the female gender, until they earn some trust don't trust em as far as u can throw em. Stop Me When I Start Lyin...

P.S. Lemme be clear: I still love women, I've just become more of a realist as I've become more tarnished by the world. U may think I sound sexist. Whatever, I've Been Called Worse...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Guilty Ass Polanski

"LOCK THIS NASTY BASTARD UP ALREADY"
This shit needs to be said. Why the fuck has Roman Polanski turned into a rockstar and a figure worth people rallying around for drugging and raping a 13-year old girl??? This ain't a martyr, who did something revolutionary to fight the oppressive establishment. This ain't someone who got drunk and pissed off some cops or something. Even if he killed someone society despises, like let's say a pedophile rapist, people could rally behind him saying he did a public good. BUT HE WAS THE PEDOPHILE RAPIST!!!!! For those who don't know, Roman Polanski, a very respected movie director, somehow ended up alone in Jack Nicholson's house with a 13-year old girl in 1977; Be reminded, he was 44 at the time. Then he proceeded to give her large amounts of champagne laced with a sedative drug. He then raped her in her vaginal, oral, and anal cavities. He was arrested and pled guilty; AIN'T NO DISPUTE ABOUT IT, HE CONFESSED. Then he skipped the country and hasn't come back since because he doesn't want to go to prison for his crimes. And now Woody Allen, Whoopi Goldberg, and lots of other big names in Hollywood are petitioning for him to get out of his punishment?? WTF is that?? If he was a 44-yr old Black man who drugged some 13-yr old girl and raped her in every hole he could fine, they'd want him to get LYNCHED!!! I'm a young Black man, I live in Georgia. I saw Genarlo Wilson, a 17 yr old Black male who received consensual, non-drugged up oral sex from a 15 yr old chick from his high school, get locked up for 2 years on "child molestation" over some old BS rule making that a sex offense and felony holding a 10 yr sentence. And when the legislators reevaluated the rule and changed it to a misdemeanor 2 yrs later, there were big-time lawyers and a Douglas County Superior Court judge who were breaking their necks not to let him out even though he should've been out under the new legislation. He finally got out in 2007. He was getting recruited for football by D-1 schools, this ruined his chances at a scholarship. But since Polanski can direct his ass off, he's not supposed to be brought to justice??? That's just fucked up, no other way to say it. In the fashion of the "Free [insert incarcerated celebrity's name]" campaign, I want to start up a "LOCK POLANSKI UP" campaign. If he's out of our jurisdiction, we need to call up Batman to go get him like he did Lao from "The Dark Knight" or something. Old rich white dudes should be tried, sentenced and punished (including being on the Sex Offender Registry list), just like they woulda done my Black ass if I went around drugging and raping 13-yr old white women; yea, I think race matters. If Spike Lee woulda done it, they woulda got his ass. Stop Me When I Start Lying...

Am I being racist, maybe overreacting? I truly don't care, it's how I feel. I've Been Called Worse...

Stop Me When I Start Lying: I Work for the Devil

Stop Me When I Start Lying: I Work for the Devil

Fucking right I said it. I know it sounds overly harsh and it probably is based on use of the word devil. But it was the most concise way to convey my point. I am on the student appeals board for the GT Parking Office, which I have found to be a completely immoral and unethical system. I am borderline ashamed to tell people that I work there even though I work on a board intended to help the student combat their tickets. Lemme explain what I mean and if it still sounds like I'm being harsh, lemme kno:

• Georgia Tech is the only place on Earth, well at least America, where if you see a curb that isn't yellow and has no hashmarks with no No Parking Zone sign in sight, you can still receive a $50 No Parking Zone ticket. The rule on campus is that a parking spot is denoted by two white lines (lines or brackets) no matter what. However, this is not written anywhere in the parking rules brochure you receive with your $620 parking pass that is supposed to be the Bible of parking rules for the Institution. Why not you say? Because if the students know that, the parking officers can write less preventable tickets, which makes less money. But that's just the tip of the iceberg
• Our parking pass is $620 this year (and usually rises about $30-40 every year) and it only allows you to park in one designated parking zone on campus. I have friends in colleges nationwide, there is only one school I've encountered with a more expensive parking pass. And every other person I've spoken to has more flexibility about where you can park with their passes. Futhermore, there are certain cars where the parking pass lays on the window or doesn't fit around the rear view mirror and other people who have passes but forget to display them. Rather than running the tag to see if the person has a parking pass, the officers find it easier (and more profitable) to write a $50 Unregistered vehicle ticket than an appropriate $10 Failure to Display ticket. And in many cases, if they looked a little harder, they would see the pass, it just doesn't sit down like usual. Jerks. But let's move on...
  
• It seems very feasible to me, that if you have a parking pass for a lot where you have to swipe into a gate, every once in a while you may leave your card somewhere. If you make it to this lot and don't have your card, obviously you can't get in. So it also seems logical they may park in the next ungated lot in order to go get their cards from their rooms or wherever. However, in most cases, by the time they go grab the card, they have a ticket already. What they don't know is that they can go online and file an "Out of Area request" for these situations and have no fear of being ticketed. However, once again, this was conveniently left out of the rules brochure because if people know, they will use it, which means less preventable tickets written, and less money coming in an the students' expense.
• We must have the worst meters in the world. Some are already blinking "Failed" when you park in the spot, meaning you have to move because a failed meter is a 'No Parking Zone' and $50 ticket. Others just don't register your time as you are putting your money into them. Others will take your money and register your time but switch to "Failed" before the time you have paid for has expired. Will Parking have them fixed? Hell no. If you have one of these problems, there is a number you can call to explain the situation and not have to fear tickets. Once again, that was conveniently left out of the rules brochure to keep the preventable tickets rolling in and the money that comes from them.
• We have several parking spots on all sides of campus where the lines have faded off, signs have been removed from their posts or the fences they were attached to, and hash marks have faded away in places. We already discussed the lack of "No Parking Zone" signs. There are plenty of deceptive reserved spots and other designations also. The simplest solution would be to repaint the appropriate lines, paint handicap spots blue, and reserved spots yellow. Problem solved. Once again, progress and clarity are not profitable to the parking office. We see handicap tickets all the time because there are handicap spots that have completely lost all hash marks and markers. Handicap tickets are worth $500 by the way. We used to have the power to reduce them to $125 if you've never received a handicap ticket before; this year, the powers that be have decided that even if it's someone's first ever ticket, they gotta pay at least $250. And I doubt maintenance has or will ever hear anything about fixing those problems I highlighted earlier. Why? Preventable tickets = more money.
• The population of the school has increased each of the past three academic years, by about 5000 people I believe. Why is it that every chance they get parking lots are being eliminated left and right. Architecture building parking lot? A grassy lawn with a sidewalk now. The library lot (this was big considering how many people are used to spending nights in the library doing work, many of whom also commute)? Being turned into some building that I've yet to get a logical explanation for. The meters down the hill from the parking lot(a logical back up plan since they are axing the main library lot)? Gone. E-64 coliseum lot, where we usually park for track practice because its right beside our locker room? Being turned into an extra gym for our basketball team (dead last in the ACC last year). By the way, the Men's track team's scholarships have been cut in half despite many top 4 ACC finishes including runner-up to National Champion Florida State. And they're building basketball a new gym and cutting out our parking too, but that's a whole nother blog. There are more examples also, ridiculously irrational to me. Especially citing the next point...
• During football games, everyone who paid their $620 to have a parking pass on the East side of campus has to evacuate these parking spots so that the parking office can charge game fans big-money to park there. Any car left in their spot, for any reason, is getting towed. The towing fine is $125 plus any other outstanding tickets, $75 of which is non-refundable no matter the circumstance. Consequently, they have to move their cars over to West Campus, where I live and park, congesting our parking situation. To add insult to injury, they try to charge random game fans $15 to park on west campus also. Meaning the parking situation becomes pure and utter chaos. I once had to park a good 3 parking lots farther away from my usual spot because of this congestion. I was not pleased.
• This one is particularly ridiculous. As I walk out to the track a few days ago, I see my Track coach's car with a ticket in a legitimate spot by the track. My event coach, Nat Page (who has coached stellar athletes and champions at the conference, NCAA, and World and Olympic levels) was hired by the Institution to coach its track team, but isn't permitted to park at the track? He only goes two places on campus: his office in the Athletic Association (which he had to pay for the $620+ parking pass out of his check to park at) and the track, where he is required to be every afternoon to perform his job duties. I had to argue with my boss and other meaningful people in the parking office about their claims that his "Official Business Pass" only lasts two hours. WTF??? IF THE TRACK COACH WHO IS REQUIRED TO SPEND MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT THE TRACK DOESN'T HAVE OFFICIAL BUSINESS THERE, WHO THE FUCK DOES?? I feel like this pass was meant to keep other people out of these spots to keep them free for the people who need to be at the track......like a track coach. I won't even start on how bad they do the track athletes.
• It took me working there to realize how silly the parking situation was and how "ninja-like" the parking officers are, seemingly being everywhere at all times. You can 'run in' to grab something, be moving a television into your room, have your flashers on, does not matter. If you are not within a plain view of your car for over about 45 seconds, you may come back to find a ticket. I figured to myself, they must be on commission or something. Even though they're assholes who take their jobs too seriously and enforce an immoral system, if they made more money for writing more tickets, I could start to understand their motives. BUT THEY DON'T. This confirmed my suspicions that they are jerks just for the sake of being jerks and because their fake badges give them the right. My roommate got a ticket once and he barely stopped the car. He knew he was at risk waiting there and circled the block, he got back to the parking office with the ticket in his hand to hand to him.
• As for my experience on the appeals board, I won't lie a lot of the cases brought before us are just students doing stupid stuff and hoping we'll have sympathy, which works on some cases if you don't have a history. I will say about 60% of tickets are in this fashion. Some very outlandish, such as "I figured if I parked on the grass by the dorm, I wasn't in anyone's way" and other foolishness like that. However the other 40% invested at least some thought into why their ticket should be reduced or dismissed. Now, my boss's boss is trying to make it so certain appeals are automatically filtered out and unappealable no matter the reason for the ticket. And he can't figure out why we're stalling on helping him. It's immoral and fucked up.
• There are people working in the parking office who are constantly on our backs for whatever reason. "They're dismissing and reducing too many tickets", "they don't do anything, why are we paying them?" "blah, blah, blah" whatever. The fact is everyday we either have people coming in for appeals or we are making decisions on written appeals. But this is the root of my problem with these people: we work like an hour a day at $8 an hour. What are you worried about us for? They make more in one full workday than we make in a week. And you trying to push to get rid of us? We make chump change, we getting pennies. There are people sitting back there making $50K a year or more that DON'T DO SHIT. Get off my nuts, close the YouTube on your computer and do some fucking work of your own.
  
• Last year, I got towed by the parking office twice. The first time, policemen (not parking officers, but policemen, sheriffs maybe) who patrol the parking lot that we usually parked at for working our football games, told us that if we parked in a certain corner of the parking lot, we'd never have any problems. HE LIED. We came back from a 11-hour day of catering for the football games to find we would have to spend the checks we had just received to get our cars out of impound. Fucked up, I know. You can imagine what this did to my perception of parking officers and policemen; ain't like I liked them before that. Tow #2 happened shortly after my car was stolen off of campus. After being missing for about a week, Atlanta police call me and tell me that they found my stolen car and have it in impound. So I have to pay over $200 to get my car back from the city of Atlanta. So when I finally get it and bring it back to campus and clean out my car, I find my parking pass (interesting because they had stolen my rearview mirror) and sit it in the change tray to keep up with it. I come back to find my car towed. But why I think to myself?? The same officers who write "unregistered vehicle" tickets to cars because they claim they can't see them if they don't hang down enough or don't wanna check the tag, somehow saw and checked my parking pass as it sat in my change tray and towed by car because I was displaying a stolen parking pass. I GOT TOWED FOR STEALING AND SHOWING MY OWN FUCKING PARKING PASS. I should kept parking across the street over in the hood where my car was "safe," it got stolen about 3 weeks after I bought the pass and moved it onto campus.

If you are not convinced or think I am taking something out of context. Please comment, I'd be happy to argue with you, but I don't think you will find to much. May not be what people wanna hear, but Stop Me When I Start Lying. Period. I'll let the pic below convey how I'd feel if I caught a parking officer out somewhere in plain clothes.