Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Gray Scale

I'd like to spend a few minutes discussing a reference that I have thought up on how to explain my position relative to other men around my age; it is The Gray Scale. This is the easiest way for me to explain the complexities of my mind in an understandable fashion relative of the men at each polar end of the scale to whom I am always compared. I'm often seen as a nice dude, which I've come to hate because of the connotation and somewhat unrealistic expectations that come with the title. When explaining my distaste for the phrase "Nice Guy" I have to make sure that I am clear about my level of grayness. So let's get into the scale:

The White End
Look at the picture, take a good look. You remember this man, I even found a Black & White picture to keep with the gray scale theme. Steven Q. Urkel was the ultimate "nice guy." He saw one girl he liked and showered her with gifts, poems, charm and his "A-Game" even when she was rejecting him. He treated her like a queen every day of his life even when she was shitting on him. He was never thinking sexually, he was always a perfect gentlemen. He never drank, smoked or ever stepped out of line. He probably would never make a move on a girl if she wasn't his girlfriend. And if he could have snagged Laura, he would have tried to lock her down and marry her as soon as possible. No one would ever have anything bad to say about him (other than maybe "nerd" or "lame"). He was always on top of his books, never letting his social life or anything interrupt his studies. He's that guy that no one could imagine in a fight, getting lit at a party, skipping a class, breaking even the slightest law, sayin cuss words, or even getting freaky with anyone other than his wife. He's that "Yes Man" who has trouble saying no or hurting anyone's feelings. He's that dude that a chick who knows he likes her would run to so she can vent about the dude she actually likes just cuz she knows he'll be there to comfort her and make her feel better; but is she thinking about him in any way other than strictly platonic??? HELL NO, she's gon lead him on a little and go back to her actual man. She'll be back when she needs a guy to help her move her furniture into another apartment...

The Black End
What runs through your mind when u see a picture of this guy???? I'd estimate that if you're a woman, it's something like "Ah, hell." This is a modern day GOON (Image wise anyway, Plies is actually a surprisingly educated rapper who happens to be a freak but his brother is the actual thug). Tupac, once a gentleman who saw that women didn't respond to it and became a goon, said "Bitches ain't shit, we don't love them hoes." This embodies the Black End of the scale. He's not worried bout no chick's feelings or what his image is. He's that dude who says whatever foolishness is on his mind and is good at makin enemies and makin people mad for no reason. He's a one night stand machine (probly raw dogging) leading life by the seat of his pants. He's that dude that women knew wasn't worth shit, slept with him anyway and became dramatic and sad when they found out he wasn't gon treat them like shit either. He might be on the wrong side of the law cuz rules and authority weren't ever his thing. He probably makes all his important decisions either high, drunk, or both; and there ain't a damn thing nobody can do about it. He may never turn out to be any kind of decent boyfriend, father, employee or just responsible man. His reputation proceeds him, but it damn sure don't stop him...

Now, I realize as I get older and settle into myself just how gray I have become. I still don't think I'm even on the dark half of that spectrum, but as I look in the rear view mirror, I'm significantly darker than I was even when I first got to college. The Orr family blood that runs through my veins ensures I will always keep a certain level of mannerism and some sense of 'right and wrong.' However, I've become a little deeper shade of gray than I care to be. I have many layers, I'm like an onion. I've been called a gentleman, a "nice guy", and husband material. Then again, I've heard many more negative critiques of myself too. I admit I started drinking too young and have heard I drink and go out too much. I've been called an asshole cuz I like to argue and don't give ppl their way in arguments a lot. My mother and lots of women I've run across have deemed me "A Ladies' Man" and I apparently flirt unconsciously; as you can imagine this had led to other situations as well as rumors. I've been called cold hearted and unromantic for certain rules I've formed like "I'm only asking 'What's wrong' 3 times before I drop the issue" and "If I didn't lie, cheat, or neglect you, I didn't do anything all that wrong" as well as my skepticism about granting a woman "girlfriend status" because of how they tend to change when they receive this power. I text and IM more than I speak to women on the phone at times, which doesn't go over well. Many have somehow been surprised cuz I like sex as much as the average man. I've been in trouble with my coach, my professors, several ladies, and even the Dean of Students once in my time in school. I could go on for quite a while, but the moral of the story is I've come to terms with my surprising level of grayness and it's something people need to understand when trying to figure me out. I'm somewhat confusing to women and depending on the interaction you may think I'm on one end or the other. But I'M ME. Say what you want, I've Been Called Worse...

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