Real Talk: Black Men and Black Women, Intersecting Stigmas

DISCLAIMER: This entry features many generalizations, obviously there is no way to break down every man-woman situation at once. So please the save the "That's bullshit, I'm not like that" for someone else. If u're not like this, cool, ignore it. Please also consider the possibility that u may be this way but haven't taken an honest look in the mirror. Enjoy...

Age and increased interaction with the opposite sex results in more opinion and curiosity about how things work the way they do between each. After my experiences and watching the movie "The Diary of A Tired Black Man," I have gained new perspective on a subject I hadn't previously thought deeply about. What the movie calls "Angry Black Woman Syndrome" (ABWS) has a potential to directly intersect with the American circumstances that create the "Angry Black Man." ABWS is often caused influences such as woman being bitter from past relationships, the absence or distrust of father figure, and influences from other women. Obviously, there are countless movies and even now whole networks (Lifetime Movie Channel, etc.) dedicated to showing the ways that men mess up relationships; whether it's cheating, physical abuse, abandonment, etc. Which can also turn scorned baby's mothers into vessels for negativity, "Your father ain't shit. Men ain't shit" etc, in the absence of males. This can force women not to try to find their flaws - possibly trust, dependence, defensiveness, jealousy, over-independence, incessant nagging, etc - but to focus all their attention, and consequently all the blame, on the men (I can point u to ten guys I know who will tell u "Fa real, fa real, I ain't shit. I'm just a squirrel in the world tryna bust a nut", but how many women u know who will tell u that they're not "wifey" material right now because of their own flaws?) This can create a scenario where women have unrealistic or contradictory expectations - possibly in inappropriate proportions - which you expect from men despite it being implausible. How do you expect a guy to be openly emotional and sensitive yet strong and unflinching? a panther to fight for what he believes yet a puppy who will say "Yes ma'am" when she wants something of him? To be wealthy without having to ever choose business over them? To be nice and wholesome, while still asshole and crazy enough for them not to get bored? The man who every woman wants but only wants her, even if she treats him like shit? A man can't be all of those things on the same front at the same time. They can become irrational; especially in improper proportions. It attraccts some women to the wrong things entirely when searching for the right man. I know plenty of women who will take the excitement and 'swag' over the manners and ambition anyday. Yet if it doesn't work out, she doesn't see any flaw in her decision. It's all HIS fault in their eyes and the eyes of those conspiracy theorist friends who been talking shit since day one of the relationship. Don't you think it's strange that four single chicks who can't keep men may try so hard to break up the happy relationship of the only one in the crew with a good man?

Which brings me to the "Angry Black Man." I consider my self a fairly laid back dude. But I can tell that Angry Black Man is in me. He rears his head from time to time, but he's deep within me. There are many who wear this man on their sleeve, ready to jump out at the any opportune moment. This has side effects, just as ABWS has them on women; but slightly different. As Black men coming up in America, we have been taught since birth (those who have had good male role models in their lives) that nothin will be given to u, a hundred doors may be slammed in ur face, u have to keep fighting to be ready when the right one cracks open a little bit for u. This can lead to a several things as far as women, including the "Fine, if she don't want me, the next chick will" attitude and those "I won't take no for an answer" brothers; depending on self-control, confidence and temperment factors. Another early lesson is if u really believe in something, think it out and stand up for it with reason, not emotion. Just as with doors being slammed in your face, emotion is weakness, and although it is felt, it can not be succumbed to. For this reason, men are quick to let u know that u've hurt them; "can't let em see u sweat." If a man does allow himself to be open and vulnerable and he gets hurts, his door is gonna close even tighter for the next person. As less emotional beings, it takes even more of a toll however we may try to repress it within. Also, authority is automatically questioned; that "don't tell me what to do" reflex. This explains many male responses to ultimatums and scenarios where instinctual responses may take over before he has even truly weighed the pros and cons of the consequences. And most importantly, I repeat most importantly (to many, but not all, once again, we're dealing with generalities) is the point that when the rest of the world- society, work, traffic, bills, etc - is providing u chaos that u have to fight thru, u want to come home and have peace; therefore, u need a home situation and woman who is helping u to find that peace. If u come home to constant fighting or nagging, it feels less like somewhere u want to be and more like another place u want to escape from. All of these things inevitably effect the way men react to different issues as they arise in relationships. U can imagine how I man lookin for peace and a woman arguing to 'manufacture' excitement might not mix. U can imagine how a woman who expects him to be emotionally open might become discouraged that his boundary walls aren't dropping as fast as his (but I still contend that no chick wants to see her man cry, that's "too" emotional. How many niggas u know who cry on the regular and survive the relationship?). I think men and women have to take time to understand themselves - our strengths, weakness, flaws, etc - and then be open and honest to find a relationship situation that lasts. It will help us break through outdated inconsistencies, gender roles gone wrong, and double standards which keep women saying "There's no good Black men" and men saying "There are no good Black women." Becuz as publicized as men's problems are, it goes both ways, believe me. I recently spoke to a close female friend of mine who is perfect on paper (beautiful, good future, smart, ambitious, etc) but has major control and trust issues and can't be honest enough with herself to admit it. If my homeboy came back from a first date and told me a chick said the things she said to me, my response would be "Get away from her, this chick is psycho." There are many ppl on both sides who think they're "that good one being overlooked" that have these kind of issues but don't know it. We gotta tone down the attitude and ego and be real with ourselves so we can be real with each other. It's essential to ensuring the continuity of progressive Black ppl going into the future. I don't want us to keep losing good Black men and good Black women to the Caucasians. That's right, I said it. Racist, I Know. I've Been Called Worse...

Comments encouraged. I just ask that all comments come from a place of thought out questioning or criticism, not quick-handed emotion response because u don't like somethin I said. Real Talk...

Fuck the Police, Internationally

My hatred for policemen (obviously not all, but many) now knows no borders, it has crossed the Pacific and gone international. As I was walking back from a bar with two friends of mine, one Nigerian and one Sudanese, we see cops on motor bikes. I don't think much of it at the time. Until I see one's head turn towards us and he signals to the others to pull over near where we're walking. It was like deja vu, it was as if I'd seen it before, the same bullshit being rewinded. Here comes this police bullshit again. And it has a different spin here becuz police here are only driven by money. They arrange random traffic stops anywhere and stop everyone without the intention to write any tickets or citations, they just play that "Well, the ticket is this price. But if u pay me half of that, I'll let u slide" all the time. In America, a lot of cops are crooked, but most of the time they're tryna make money off the criminals; taking some of the money they find in raids, taking bribes to "turn their heads" on things, etc. Here the police are into exploiting regular ppl. Ain't that a bitch? So to them, they think we're three Africans, we're an easy target to them. No reason to stop us at all, but they ask our ideas. My temperature already starts rising, but I stay civil and hand over my ID. After the one in front of me argues that my ID must be fake, the one who has somehow worked his way behind me starts frisking me, feeling me all up and down. Instinct told me to punch him in the face for laying hands on me. But it is a cop, no matter how crooked or sorry. So I kind of brush him off me and grab it from my pocket myself. "It's Carmex, lip balm. What do u want from me?" He inspects the little tub as if it's filled with anthrax. At this point, I'm getting madder. One of them is raising his voice questioning why I'm trying to con them with a fake ID. I raise my voice right back, "u a fucking American ID expert now? How do I know u not just a douchebag in his policeman Halloween costume taking a joy ride?" At least in America, they have to at least act like they have some valid reason to stop you. Even if it is bullshit, they have to act like u did something suspicious to get stopped or pulled over. And beyond that, we have rights. If they try to make u open ur trunk or glove box or want u to get out so they can frisk u, u have the right to say "No, do u have a warrant?" The cop might not like it, but if they try to "make u" u have grounds to sue them. We've seen ppl sue and win large sums of money from the police force for unlawful interaction. and once again, in true police fashion, when they realized they had nothing on us, they tried to explain with bullshit. "Oh this is normal at night when we see people walking." MOTHERFUCKER A DOZEN PEOPLE HAVE WALKED BY SINCE U'VE BEEN TRYING GROPE ME. U AIN'T STOPPED NAM ONE OF THEM. JUST US BLACK GUYS." He can try to go sell that shit to someone else, I don't play that shit. Fuck u and leave me alone. If u haven't noticed, this is a topic that gets me hot quick' which isn't actually that easy to do. But this picture to the left gives u an idea of the mentality that pisses me off so much. As great as the "idea" of the police is, the actuality of what many of the police have become is a far cry from serving and protecting. They're clinging to the power of the badge to feed their greed and prejudice. I don't fuck wit em, period. If u think I'm exaggerating or somethin, open ur fucking eyes and grow up. If u think I'm being bitter or sensitive, fuck it, I've Been Called Worse. As Lil' Wayne says (odd person to quote for me, I know), "Real niggas fuck with me, and I don't give a fuck u don't."

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Don't Be Fooled, Crime Ain't Random

Since I've been here, every few days I'm involved in a conversation where someone is asking me a lot of questions about what America is really like. Or they're making statements based on their pre-conceived notions of America. One of the hot-button topics is often crime. One female from my church, native of a recently war torn African country, told me she's interested in living in Canada but is scared to go to America because "it's so dangerous, I might get raped or something." I should've grabbed her by the shoulders and shaken the shit out of her. I don't get it becuz some Africans have seen some level of civil war but are scared of the image they have of American street crime. I shouldn't be surprised because much of the American population (middle or upper class white America mainly, but some minorities who have successfully disconnected from the hood; which isn't a bad thing) doesn't understand how crime works in America; how could I possibly expect someone who's never been there to understand? i feel like they're just taking the movies and tv they see way too seriously. It has somehow convinced them that crime is widespread and random. And for others, they have claimed they wanted to see some of these dangerous places they hear about; "I wanna go to Brooklyn, I wanna see the Bronx, I wanna see where Jay-Z is from." My response, "No the hell u don't" When I start hearing such ridiculous remarks, I know it's time for me to educate them. I'm not a thug, I'm not some hood dude, but I've been exposed to the hood and hood people enough to have a deeper understanding of how the crime works. The truth is that crime ain't random, it's targeted, for Americans just like foreigners. You have to find ways not to make urself a target. If u're visiting a America as a tourist and u go to tourist places or you go to places with a native who knows where they're goin, you should be ok. But if u show up to places u don't belong and have no business, or u're wearing a lot of valuables in plain sight, or u're starting shit with ppl, u're not in a good position. As an American - even if I was a New Yorker - I wouldn't go to Queensbridge or Marcy, I have no business there and the natives there know that. In the projects, the natives see and know everything and they're opportunists, looking for an easy come up. That's why someone who's not actually rich but flaunts his wealth in the form of material things such as these upstart rappers and athletes are much more often targeted than someone like Steve Jobs, who's a billionaire but doesn't flaunt his wealth. Plus, he's not trying to impress anyone by going back to sketchy places and showing off. That's why someone like Young Berg has been robbed more than once despite the fact that he's not actually rich. At the same time, the founder of Google could walk through a crowded mall without security and not be targeted; probably not even recognized. White collar crime, computer hacking and all those things are an entirely different issue, but as far as street level violence. People need to chill out with these hyperbolized notions. Just watch ur back, be smart, and don't go places u have no business and u'll be fine.

Do Better: Tony MFin Parker

First of all, I'd like to thank u Mr. Parker. Since entering Malaysia, I haven't had enough opportunities to express justified buffoonery at someone's expense. I appreciate u handing me the fuel for such a rant.

Just like whatever photo shoot this gay lookin picture of u came from, u've had a tremendous fail (Does he even have on pants, looks like he's waiting for the dude from "Scared Straight" to come back to his jail cell and reclaim his manhood again). In one day you, William Anthony "Tony" Parker have earned a certain level on scandalous infamy and I don't mean that in no nice way. After 7 years married to Eva Longoria, she's filing divorce because she caught u cheating with ur teammate Brent Barry's wife? This shit is Sub Zero cold blooded on so many levels. We, the general public, have seen our fair share of young male celebrities (we'll focus on athletes for now) forced into divorce because they too loose with the dick. That's nothing new. But in most cases - Michael Jordan, Shaq, Tiger Woods, etc - they lost a chick who is replaceable to a certain extent. In all of the cases just mentioned, their wives were fairly everyday attractive women without 'big-time' jobs or names of their own. Each was Mrs. [insert athlete name] and their notoriety was inevitably attached to them. U fucked it up with Eva Longoria? I should fly to San Antonio and politely slap the shit out of u; I will know I have completed my task when my hand is broken. Dwyane Wade moved from his wife to Gabby Union. Not saying it's ok to step out on ur wife, but he did very well for himself. Rumor is Shaq is now engaged to Hoopz; she ain't Gabby Union, but once again I'm not necessarily mad at him (he better keep his eye on that broad too though). U lost Eva Longoria, not some chick just lusting to be Mrs. Tony Parker and benefit from the credit upgrade. What was the upside, what was the gain? With the hectic schedule of a professional athlete, one of their biggest marital problems is that their wives don't have their own lives. They hire nannies to watch their kids so they can go out and shop with his money and drink with their friends. U didn't have that problem, she got her own life and her own money. So even if u feel u had to cheat (which I will go on record and say I don't condone), u got opportunity cuz she got her own business. She not sitting at home going "Practice ended 45 minutes ago, where is he? I'm gonna go check his computer." But u cheat in a situation that's easy to blow up? C'Mon Son. She better have been pretty terrible in bed for u to step out with a chick in a situation where ur marriage and team credibility are now in shambles. U have just joined Delonte "Mother Fucking (literally)" West as teammates who should not be invited any team function that doesn't take place in the locker room or basketball court. U ain't coming to dinner at my house to meet my fam. Hell, I don't know if we can get drinks after practice if u doing niggas dirty like that. U've become that "Yeah he can ball, but I don't fuck wit him" dude. After the season, Brent Barry should drop kick u in the chest and retire if he hasn't already. Unless u got a young hot actress/singer as ur Ace in the Hole and think u can win more rings with ur teammates givin u the side eye (not to mention opposing fans bringing signs and making chants), u made the wrong choice on a few different fronts. Luckily since she's got bread, u won't have to pay her too much. Just don't go get some cute waitress who's gonna quit her job to get busy spending the balance of what u don't have to pay Eva. Do Better...

Do Better: Malaysia, Part One

I named this installment of Do Better a part one because I'm fairly sure more will be coming before I return to the US. Some things that are different here are simply the result of cultural difference. But in some ways, there's no better way to say it than "They're really just fucking up." I'll keep it brief, I wish I had pics of all the stuff. But even though I don't, trust that I'm tellin the truth....

• It's 2010, why are there so many men, young and old, still walking around with their collars popped? What r u on the "Real World" from 2001 or something? Do u hang with the cast from "Saved By the Bell"? The caption on the picture to the right expresses my sentiment; just exchange the word"fag" with "douchebag." I hope his head is turned away from the camera because the cameraman just punched him very hard...
  
• I see at lot of Floyd Patterson and Johnny Unitas haircuts over here. Guys are going to the barbershops and paying money to look like fools. Those haircuts lost popularity in like the late 60's. If u have that now u either hang with Chris Mullens or only live near military barbershops...
  
• Ight, I will start by saying I'm not a big fan of guys in sandals in the first place. However, if u're a guy and u are wearing sandals, u either gotta go with the toe thongs or the ones with the strap going all the way over. I've seen entirely too many guys in sandals that look like they are intended for 5 year old girls (observe picture to right). Looking like u bought them at Rainbow in Freedom Mall (reference for my Charlotte folks). Did they really look at those in the store and combine the two thought "I'm feeling these, I'm buying them" and "These are definitely made for guys." If so, they need prayer...
  
• These different ATMS for different functions are bullshit. U go in a back and there's an ATM lobby with like 6 machines. U can only withdraw cash from two of them, u can't deposit into the same one u're withdrawing from, u can't deposit cash in the same one u can deposit cash into, etc. A serious waste of machinery to me, where's the efficiency? SMH..
  
• If I use the bathroom at night, go to bed, wake up, go to work for 10 hours, and I get back and the bathroom randomly smells terrible (not even like number 2 sustained, but randomly terrible), that means that something about the plumbing is sub-par. I don't wanna have to explain to company that it's not me, it's just the piping in the bathroom. SMH
• Being that locals like to eat traditional Indian or Malay food with their hands sometimes, ample quality soap needs to be located by the sinks. It's bad enough they're slack on both paper towels and toilet paper; toilet paper is sometimes only found by the sinks in place of paper towels
• Speaking of toilet paper, don't think I say 'they don't have toilet paper' as in they're temporarily out of toilet paper. I mean they had no plans of ever having toilet paper. You'll just see a hose, to be used as a poor man's bidet. I was told "it's fun, just make sure u aim before u shoot." I flatly refuse. SMH once again...
• I saw a Black guy, probably African but possibly not, who was bald on 80% of his head and had dreds on his front lobe rubber banded together into a short pony tail. Nuff said. I was trying so hard to get a picture without being blatantly obvious but I couldn't find a way. To be fair, I won't charge that one to Malaysia. That was the monumental failure of one man and one man alone. The phrase "I blame who let you leave the house like that" is a tremendous understatement. I'm mad at him, whoever did his hair, patronized him to boost his confidence, even anyone who was talking to him and ignored the urge to smack him repeatedly; all of the aforementioned ppl deserve to be back-handed, humiliated, and rolled down a mountain in an oil drum filled with fecal matter. I don't know this man but I wept for him...
  

I will inevitably encounter more noteworthy blunders and shameful embarrassments while I am here in Malaysia. And sense I'm judgmental for the sake of comedic value, that means that more of these posts will come. Stay tuned, foreigners trying to imitate Western culture, or even blend it with their own, when they tend to be decades behind in some aspects of fashion or technology becomes hilarious. It's my duty to ridicule them to add humor to my descriptions of my new temporary home....

Real Talk: An Unpleasant Ride, A Cautionary Tale

Last night was a voyage I will never forget and hope to never duplicate. I went out to the Hard Rock Cafe in Kuala Lumpur. I went out there with my Malay Indian coworker from work; he knows the manager. He's a cool dude, but I can tell he has a tendency to go overboard if u let him. A month before I arrived he totaled his former car because he fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a wall. So whenever we go out to drink with him (because he's usually driving) I always try to keep an eye on him. The other few times we've done it, he's held himself together and not drunk much. Last night, I saw the ugly side. After a few jugs of beer (all they seem to drink here), I, clearly the more sober, decide that I'm good so I don't need anymore beer and I KNOW he doesn't need anymore beer. As I look at him, his eyes and his balance just aren't quite where they should be. So I turn down the offer from the manager. However, I go to the bathroom and come back to another jug of beer. At this point, I kind of have to tone down my fun and surrender my buzz to get him out of this place. So I fight through the "...but we're not finished with our beer" and pull him out of there. I convince him it's a good idea to walk around for a while before he drives back (my license isn't valid here plus I don't know how to get back, so even though I'm fine, I shouldn't drive back), so we walk around downtown for 30-45 mins. We get in the car at 3:45 or so, I'm fighting my fatigue to keep an eye on my friend. He's been feeding me this "I'm fine, I wouldn't try anything stupid if I have a friend in the car with me" line all night, but I'm not buying it. So I'm watching him for about 20 mins, he seems alright. He's driving slow, which isn't a bad thing, so I think he's gonna b ok. I accidentally dose off. I wake up, it's 5:15 and the car is driving real choppy and slow, and he has the blinkers on. The car is driving choppy because for some reason, he now has the parking brake on....on the highway. I'm like "Man, it's been over an hour, where are we?" His response "Yeah, I don't know what happened, I was going the wrong way." At this point, I'm truly a little scared. Like once again, my full attention turns to him, the road, and the signs. If we're closest to his spot, we should go there and I can sleep it off. If we closest to mine, we can go there and he can sleep it off. But we have to get home and off the roads. His niece, who is always bugging/checking up on him calls and I get a good idea. Let's go wherever she is and if she's in the car, she will nag/bug him or she can drive. So we do that. At this point, I can dose off. I wake up at my apartment at about 6:15 am and as I'll leaving I'm giving her a pep talk, "please watch him closely. If you need to take over, take over." This is one of those events where if I were in Atlanta, or Charlotte, I would have either driven or just told him to park the car and figured something else out. Because I didn't know exactly where we were beyond just being downtown somewhere far from where we stay, I handled things a little differently. Still looking back, I feel like it may have been safer to tell him to park the car anyway. But hindsight is 20/20. But all in all, it made for a scary experience and now I see that my friend truly needs some help. I may have to bring my British roommate, who hasn't been drinking lately (can't hold his alcohol) and has a valid license here, along to be the designated driver or something man. It seems he still hasn't learned his lesson after totaling one car. It's sad to see. But the phrase "Friends don't let friends drive drunk" is true and I can't get it out of my head. Luckily nothing happened, but I don't want there to be a next time to chance it ever again. I'd recommend you do the same looking out for ur friends too. To steal a line from Jerry Spring "Take care of yourselves, and each other."

Stop Me When I Start Lying: Restaurants 'Pimpin' Their Workers in Malaysia

Before I start passing any kind of judgment, I’m gonna describe a situation and you think about it for a second and tell me what kind of job you think it sounds like I’m describing. Someone has the pull to smuggle, well, let’s say bring (without much resistance) beautiful women over from a nearby country. They provide them with a strictly controlled housing situation. They revamp their wardrobe and try to add some more ‘sexy’ to their image to enhance their attractiveness to the customer base. They put strict weight limits (enforced by expensive fines, $75/kilogram) on the women, give them cooks so they don’t have to leave their place for food, control their transportation on a strict schedule to and from work, and enforce strict, unreasonable (9 pm for grown ass women) curfews on the women on their off days. Take a moment and let me know what you come up with. U thinking what I’m thinking? She works for Pimpin Ken off Moreland in East Atlanta; or the deep-voiced poet on HBO’s “Hookers at the Point” has told a rhyme about her. Even on the legal side, maybe high fashion or pageant model who needs to stay at 6’1, 90 lbs to make sure she doesn’t get booted out of the industry because she has enough meat that her ribs don’t show. Good guess, but wrong. This is what they do to the women who work in restaurants who do nothing more than come and sit at your table looking good, make conversation and ensure that you have a lot of fun and laughs while spending a lot of money obviously. I had a conversation with two Filipino women who are roommates and work at two different restaurants in this role. It sounds like they were granted visas to come live in Kuala Lumpur by an ‘agency’ just for the purpose of being one of a restaurant’s in-store table escorts. At first I was thinking there must be more to it than what they’re saying, like they may be turning tricks after work or something and don’t want to tell us. After all, this is the land of the reflexology massage parlors, which are constantly under investigation for ‘vice’ activities as the newspaper calls them; I guess this is where the US massage parlors (also employing most Asian women) got their “happy endings” from. But it seems like they were being honest when they said their driver is standing by precisely at the end of their shift to take them straight home when they get off work at midnight; the cook is still available if they are hungry also. Crazy. Maybe it’s legit. Maybe there’s an intense on-going competition about who has the hottest in-house escorts or something. Maybe all the guys who are legit business owners now used to be pimps and use the same business plan in their current business for how to attract men and control women that work for you. They say it’s the world’s oldest profession. I guess it wouldn’t have lasted if the business plan didn’t work. Stop Me When I Start Lying…

Food for Thought: The Questions, Ignant Edition

All this time blogging coupled with the fact that I have to stay censored in my new blogs is making me feel repressed a little. Therefore, my ignant (yep, not even the whole word) side is yearning to speak out a little bit. My inner goon has been 'patiently waiting for a track to explode on' like 50 Cent. So this blog is coming straight from the roots of my Riley Freeman. So if u're squeamish, can't handle adult content, or would rather believe that this side doesn't exist in me, this is where u should stop reading. It's about to get graphic. These are some of the questions that many people think, but no one is able to ask because of public opinion...

• How to fat people have sex? There just seems like there's too much damn meat in the way. So much work to get so little accomplished. Probably sounds like two walruses fighting too. SMH.
• Why can't a lot of these chicks just admit that they're slightly bi-curious? If u're a chick and u're 'intrigued' with the idea of going to a strip club, u wanna c famous female celeb nude pics more than I do, and say stuff like "Wow she's cute. If I was a guy, I'd do her" then something is going on. It's not a problem. U can't be real with others until u real with urself
  
• Y r the dudes who are the absolute worst at 'pulling out' the ones that swear by raw dogging; even with random chicks? If I hear one more dude who I know has had an unintentional kid (or multiple) or an STD (drip dick is no joke) say 'My dick don't like condoms', I may back hand him with my fingers open. Antonio Cromartie from the Jets got 8 kids by 7 women. Nigga, that's not a coincidence. Was is it worth it?
• If u have a high tolerance when u drink (like me), does that mean ur blood alcohol level stays low longer, or u're just better at functioning with a high BAC? I need to know this for possible DUI situations in the future.
• How nasty/kinky can you get with a chick you actually care about before it becomes disrespectful? As I watch porn sometimes (don't act like you don't), I wonder if u can keep a chick as ur main lady after u know she'll lick ur asshole or give me head after doing her in the butt. I just don't know if I can ever come close to kissing her again.
• Speaking of putting mouths in places, if u're a chick and I give u oral, y r u so reluctant to kiss me afterwards? If u don't trust where how clean ur pussy is, I probably made a wrong decision going down on ur nasty ass. I need mouth watch and a tongue scraper immediately. U may get a douche bag in the mail and may not get a call back.

Last one for the night, a lotta ppl wanna know the answer to this one:

• Why do wives/girlfriends have such a big problem with their dudes going to a strip club with the boys every once in a while? I could see if it was a massage parlor with the happy ending. Or if he was spending the rent money. If a couple times a year, he wanna see some new T&A and talk some shit over drinks with the boys, what r u afraid of? Dudes - well, most, well, some dudes - aren't stupid enough to leave their good situation over a stripper. Chill out, he just receive some rubs, a motorboat or two and he'll come home. The loving may even be amazing that night. Who knows...

Short and sweet, think on those a little once u stop laughin. Did I cross some lines? Maybe, who knows. Was I a little blunt or harsh in places? Possibly. The better question is what will you think after I tell this Bishop Eddie Long joke. A few years ago, Bishop Eddie "The Thundercat Seducer (Allegedly)" Long was on a song of Ludacris's called "Freedom of Preach" and used a line that has adopted new meaning in the last few days as this scandal arose. He said "I may have done what they say I did, but I'm not who they say I am." Not such a smooth line anymore. Game recognize game, Bishop, and u looking kinda unfamiliar right now. Am I a Jerk cuz that was too soon? Whatever, I've Been Called Worse. Kanye Shrug. Nah, fuck that, Michael Jordan shrug...

It's Been Too Long

I'm back, and I'm 12 hours ahead of the US. That's right, I'M IN THE FUTURE. LOL. I've been in Malaysia for six weeks and I still don't have the Internet set up in my apartment; read the chart above, it's fairly accurate. Therefore, my blogging game has been suffering and I whole-heartedly apologize. I'm getting real frustrated by the slack ass nature of the utilities here in Malaysia. Don't get me wrong, I arrived during the fasting month of Ramadan, so the Muslims (70% of the country) were dragging at work; understandable. Also, September 11th was Hari Raya, the official end of the fasting month, which usually is the start of a multiple week long celebration that the fast is over. BUT DAMN. In America, I make a call and within 24 hours, I have all the Internet and cable that I can afford to pay for. Six weeks, what is this a CIA background check?? This is bullshit. I'm disconnected from the world right now. The way things are now, a computer without the Internet might as well be a typewriter. But I digress...

Even though I'm still waiting on wi-fi at home, I will be starting my new journal-style blog soon to chronicle experiences here in Malaysia. I had to start a new blog because the journal-style blog will be followed by a lot of family also plus they want to hear about experience and see pics more than anything else. My goal here at I've Been Called Worse is to either enlighten or entertain. So much of the other blog will not be I've Been Called Worse material. the other blog address is nigelsroadlesstraveled.blogspot.com and u are more than welcome to follow and comment on that one as well. Due to the family-oriented nature, it won't contain the "motherfuckers," "ain't shit"s, and all the other vulgarity and buffoonery that I have come to know and love. This blog will stay up. I actually have a few issues I've been waiting to get off my chest, so stay tuned. U will here from me again very soon. It's good to be back...even though it will feel better when I can broadcast from my apartment.

Real Talk: Mother Africa

I recently saw a commercial for the hit show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" where a character stood in front of a world map and X'd out the entire continent of Africa as he was talking about all the places in the world he'd like to see. As I close in on my trip to Malaysia and get into more and more discussions about going overseas, I can't help but notice how little love Africa and respect gets from people of all races, backgrounds, and ages. I guess I can understand because this (pictured to the right) is the Africa we see on television everyday. I won't lie, as far as setting up internships, it was not on my short list of places I wanted to go either. However, I think it would be a great place to go for a developmental or more service-related experience. And that's the sad part, that's what the image of our great mother continent has become - a charity case, a backwards place that you'd only go to in an effort to help them. For the continent that was the birthplace of humanity, culture and intelligentsia in the civilized worldd, this represents quite a fall from grace. The glorious history ranges from Kerma (the oldest society known to mankind) to the Kingdom of Kush to the Nok Civilization to the Marvelous Kemetics (the Egyptians as the Europeans named them), arguably the most influential empire ever in terms of knowledge that helped shape current society, through the Great Kingdom of Zimbabwe even up to the much more recent Kingdom of Ethiopia under Haile Selassie. People from all over the world used to come to the Kingdom of Mali to learn from the wealth of intellectuals, spiritual advisers, and skilled tradesmen at Timbuktu. The Kemetics (the Egyptians once again) were doing advanced mathematical calculations, performing complex surgeries, and even creating an alphabet and astronomical system long before the rest of the world had anything near their organized wealth of knowledge. But unfortunately Europeans came violently, raping and enslaving the lands and their people, from which the bulk of the continent has never truly recovered. Ever since it has been a land devoid of the unity and prominence it once had. Brutal civil wars, widespread corruption, sluggish response to epidemic diseases, and a number of other factors have set the continent behind much of the world it helped invent. I try, just as I hope that most of the world will try, not to lose hope for the world's 2nd largest continent. With an injection of commitment and morally-centered leadership, the nation still has the people and resources to harness some of its amazing potential. But just as with many topics, it has to actually happen. I hope it can. I also hope that one day I'm in a position to help it happen. I dream of the day where the Cradle of Civilization is once again the wonderful and Majestic Land that it's capable of being. Real Talk...

What Will I Tell Them??

I can't get the question from my international exchange application off of my mind lately: "What part of American culture do you hope to share with those you encounter in your exchange country?"

Next week, I will land in Malaysia (look for it on a map, I know I had to), where honestly I expect to get crazy looks of shock everywhere I go for the duration of my stay. I'm a 6'2 young Black American male who's typical casual look would be classified in America as 'urban' and in the rest of the world as 'hood.' I fully expect to be walking through an airport of preconceived notions, whether illegitimately star struck ("What NBA team does he play for?"), admirable ("I wanna party with that guy") scared ("I hope he's not here for crime"), or even testing ("I wonder if he'll get mad if I say that N-word I here in the rap songs"). I've mentally prepared myself for that because there's no benefit to getting mad at some foreigner's (foreign to me anyway)ignorance of my true personality and purpose in their country. But as some point legitimate conversation will arise about America whether with a Malaysian, my British co-worker, or someone else I happen to encounter in a deep conversation-prone situation. So as I navigate the many onion-like layers of my mind, I wonder how exactly I should answer the questions about my many often contradictory thoughts and interaction with my home country.

Should I tell them it's truly the land of opportunity where immigrants, poor people, and other underprivileged can find a way to make it to prominence and wealth? Or that the top 1% control 42% of the nation's wealth and in the midst of the financial crisis, the CEOs who ran the companies into the ground made multi million dollar golden parachutes for themselves while dismissing their everyday workers with nothing more than a pink slip?

Should I tell them that America is truly the 'Melting Pot' made up of immigrants, transplants, explorers and the descendants of slaves who all have been finding a way to coexist and mesh their cultures? Or that it's a place run by bias older white males who have made my demographic (young, Black males) the default criminal prototype and the most hated and feared demographic in the world?

Should I tell them it's a land of democracy where the son of a Kenyan can be elected President? Or should I tell them it's a land of little political transparency where the President is trying to fight through the maze of back door alliances, campaign contribution loyalties, and party-biased infighting?

Should I tell them it's a land of religious freedom and social choice where there is some level of tolerance for even the most eccentric and extravagant lifestyles? Or should I tell them its a land where fundamentalists of classic religions are constantly plotting terrorism as a statement against the secular social and sexual anarchy that our country has allowed itself?

Should I tell them about our land where education is free and available up until high school and very easily accessible at the college level? Or about how despite these great opportunities, Americans are dropping out in high numbers and falling behind the rest of the developed countries in education while foreigners come in take advantage of our education system right under our noses?

Should I tell them about the land that has gradually made progress as far as political forwardness and social tolerance? Or the country where even systems such as law enforcement, law making, and homeland security have tremendous problems with high-level corruption and untrustworthy practices?

Should I tell them about the powerhouse with the technological and financial might to develop the best medicines and alternate energy sources in the world? Or the country where these capitalistic greed speaks more than right or wrong so health care and other industries cost so much that they alienate most of those who need them?

I could go on forever, but the bottom line is: Do I tell them about the wonderful and glamorized America that I want to come back to and live in after my internship? Or the potentially corrupt and cut throat America that I left to experience another culture? I'm not sure, I feel that to tell one side without the other is being dishonest. America is honestly an elaborate blend of this yin and yang. Maybe I'll just wait til I have a few drinks and see which stories come out.

Riley's Boondocks Speech

Classic. Period.

Trust and the Absolutist Mentality

It Happened Again, I was a victim both of my longing to be understood and my unwillingness to conform when an absolutist question arises. The absolutist mentality I speak of his the All or Nothing, 100% or 0%, u're either with me or against me mentality that arises so much. One topic it arises with is trust. As I've gotten older, I've had to shed the overly nice guy attitude becuz I've been betrayed a few times with it. So when it comes to knew people I meet now, rather than starting at 100% trusted and having to lose ground, I start at about 50% and people have to work their way up. And becuz of how I operate and try to do things independently, very few people get a chance to gain there way into the 80s or 90s. There r very few people I have the confidence to lean on. So to me, saying that I trust you 90% is a tremendous compliment as that makes you one of the most trusted people in my life. That essentially means you're just short of the 100% trust level where if asked I'd give you $5000 and not even ask what you need it for. And upon speaking to others about this topic, it's easiest to keep the peace if you just say "Yes, I trust you completely" to anyone who's over about 75%, becuz on a yes or no scale, that's a definite Yes. But as I get closer to people I want them to understand me, so like a dumbass, instead of a yes or no answer, I tried to explain on the percentage scale. And to an absolutist, anything short of 100% is a 'No.' It's a hard lesson to learn, and becuz of my fundamental problem with absolutism, I can't guarantee I'll always apply what I learned, but I'll never forget it. My problem with it is gangs, dictatorships, political scandals, and other people or groups use absolutism as their main tool to force compliance; like the inserted picture (obviously the phrase on the picture is an exaggeration). They convince people that everything is 100% or 0%, either you sign up to do and support absolutely everything we do or you're our enemy. That's bullshit to me. My inner rebel doesn't allow me to let some talk me into complying to shit unless I want to. Just becuz I'm a Democrat doesn't mean u can automatically cast my vote to endorse 100% of what they advocate, just becuz I'm Black doesn't mean I automatically endorse 100% of everything Black over the alternate without you having to ask me, just becuz I have confidence in someone as my boss or coach doesn't mean I'm going to agree 100% with you on every decision, and in this case, trust builds up through years of experiences with people instead of automatically shooting straight up to 100%. I try to avoid putting people in absolutist ultimatum scenarios for this reason. When I get closer to someone, I try to help them understand me by explaining these things. Unfortunately, many times people's perceptions change the meanings of your words and your plan to go above and beyond the Yes or No answer fails and turns them against you. Life lessons, heavy shit. Words to the wise, be careful how you handle these absolute ultimatums when they come your way, u could end up in a position of unquestioning compliance or end up with a friend turned against u. U heard it here first...

Food for Thought: Direction of Black Comedy

I found myself watching a Showtime Special called "Why We Laugh: Black Comedians on Black Comedy" interviewing Black comedians, of different genders, ages, styles, etc., talking to them about the evolution of Black Comedy and it's portrayal of our society.This intrigued me because I like comedy but furthermore I have strong opinions on how Black comedians present themselves. There are comedians who tackle race and societal issues in an intelligent way that is still hilarious; others simply sling coonery (or niggerdom as I like to call it) onto society that reinforces every negative stereotype that Black people have been working to rid themselves of. It's easy to watch comedy from the Jim Crow days and weep at how Black entertainers had to demean themselves to make "The Man" happy by portraying Blacks on their terms. But upon watchin this special I gained more respect for their ambition within the confines of their time. In the '20s and '30s, a character called "Stepin Fetchit" (pictured beside cartoon version) became popular to white America playing an illiterate and infantile but charming Black servant who was too happy to "tap dance for whitey" on the screen. He even took this persona off the stage and that was how white people perceived him. But in actually, he had two phones in his home. The one to the studio would be answered by the character "Stepin Fetchit" dumb and happy nigger the white people knew and loved. His personal phone was answered by the man, actor Lincoln Perry, an educated Black man who wrote for a prominent newspaper and realized that he could parlay "tap dancing for whitey" into secretly grasping a whole lot more money and power that the white man would ever allow him to have. Lincoln Perry used Stepin Fetchit to become the first Black millionaire entertainer and to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In the black face and minstrel show era, Amos 'n' Andy carried a story of minstrel-show style characters onto television. The show was seen as so demeaning to Black people that the NAACP eventually got it shut down. What the NAACP didn't realize that was that no matter the content, this was the first Black sitcom and despite the images, the show broke down another wall for our people. Dick Gregory (pictured left) followed up by satirizing race issues in a way that penetrated white audiences while educating them. He was a political activist who could take his cause straight into the whitest of audiences and all they could do was laugh and pay him handsomely. Next came Redd Foxx, pushing the envelope on Gregory-style satire with even more shocking material. Bill Cosby appeared with the ability to tell stories about anything that won the world over. He gained so much power that he made "The Cosby Show" and "A Different World," the first shows to put educated and successful Black families on mainstream prime time television. Then came the one and only Richard Pryor (pictured with American flag), widely known by blacks and whites as the greatest and most influential stand-up comedian to ever live, "the freest Black man America has ever had" according to Dr. Cornell West. His experience-based social commentary broke every mold and status restriction; comedians before him worked to be successful within the conflicts of their time and chipped away at the door holding us from artistic freedom. Pryor kicked that door down. Next, although he didn't have the societal and political content of Pryor, Eddie Murphy (pictured with Pryor and Redd Foxx) took that same raw, in-your face boldness from the stand-up stage onto the big screen in the '80s. At this point, Whoopi Goldberg was breaking down barriers for Black women who could be respected for their comedy without having to oversexualize or water down their issues. Chris Rock (pictured below) followed with an added educational and intellectual spin that made him a hit; a mold Dave Chappelle and others would follow. In 1987, Richard Pryor, tired of being pigeon-holed into negative movie roles, made a movie called "Hollywood Shuffle" satirizing how the industry still tried to force Blacks to play nothing but pimps, gangsters, and bums on the big screen. This slowly opened up more opportunity as it put these issues out for the world to see. With "In Living Color," The Wayans Brothers showed the world that a Black run show with a diverse cast of comedians could take over the airways. So this history is what has opened the door for today's Black comedians to be respected and valued side-by-side with white entertainers on the stand-up stage and the big screen. Despite its rocky beginnings, its a world history of steady progress. Some modern comedians are doing this history justice and adding their own history; however, unfortunately, we have many that are sending us in the wrong direction instead. For every Chappelle, Rock, or D.L. Hughley (who even got a comedy talk show on CNN) who have intelligentsia mixed into their routines, we have 5 up and comers trying to make a name by feeding into the minstrel-style ignorance that some of White America still longs to see from Black entertainers. That's why it's so hard to get funding for quality Black movies, it's much easier to get the studio to pay for some movie making Blacks look like buffoons. I understand incorporating a little bit of that buffoonery as bait mixed in with your greater content; but too many now have no real content to follow. Spike Lee's "Bamboozled" is a satire displaying Hollywood's perpetual longing for watermelon-eating, dancing & singing, jigaboo-style Black entertainment and showed how successful a Black man could be if he sold his soul for the money and made such offensively racist garbage. Its horrifying to think that such over-the-top satire could be fairly accurate but it is on some level. As many people have spoken about (including an uncharacteristically enthusiastic and blunt Bill Cosby in 2004), history deserves more; the aforementioned ground-breakers from the past deserve more from today's entertainers just as the civil rights activists and leaders deserve more from today's Black communities. In the first half of the century, Stepin Fetchit and minstrel show era comedians "tap danced for whitey" becuz they had no choices; they excelled at taking those lemons and making lemonade. What excuse do the entertainers have now? Dave Chappelle (pictured on "Inside the Actor's Studio) walked away from a contract worth up to $50 million becuz the studios were taking away much of his creative freedoms and minstrel-ize him (figuratively, and literally as he walked away from a skit that featured him as a pixie in blackface, to which he felt was too demeaning to complete). Despite all that money, his integrity led him to decide that he couldn't be a party to the new less-political and more buffoonish direction the brass was trying to send his show in. Today's Black comedians should take a lesson from Mr. Chappelle and consider than your integrity is more important than the money. A wise man once said "it's awful hard to shave if I can't bear to look myself in the mirror." So comedy needs to find a way to keep our race progressing and most importantly, put out a product that allows us to have our heads held high; not something that makes us look like big-lipped monkeys for the world. Food for Thought...

One More Month

One more month til the trip of my lifetime....so far. Seven million people in the globally advanced city of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia are waiting for me. Despite news from gossip sites calling Kuala Lumpur the "tranny capital of the world," I'm still excited about the opportunity to take this internship and spend a good amount of time immersed in another culture. Talking to different people who have been to, heard about, or have family in Malaysia, I think it will be great. Obviously it will be different in many ways. I'll stick out like a sore thumb becuz I'm black and I'm probably about a foot and a half taller than everyone else there. There's no real winter time, it'll be between 70 and 86 degrees pretty much all year; but it will be more humid than I'm used to tho. I'll have to operate in the midst of monsoon season for a lot of the year too. I'll have a British co-worker who I'm expecting many cultural arguments with. As heart-breaking as it may be, I don't expect to see much booty or hamstrings on the women I see when I go out on the town; which might not even matter becuz I have no idea what kinda music I'll have to dance to. I may have to train my taste buds for the hottest food I've ever really had to endure. There may be many customs or practices that I'll have to learn that could seem very weird. I'm not sure if I'll have my usual preference of a Wal-Mart, Best Buy, liquor store, grocery store, and a movie theater all being at easy access. But this is one of those points in life where stepping out of your comfort zone helps you to grow up, so I'm game for whatever. Hopefully this will be a wonderfully eventful chapter in my life story. And as for the tranneys, I'll have to make the Adam's Apple check and hood-club style frisk down part of my usual routine when I encounter women. Whether they get offended or not, I need to know...even before we begin casual conversation at the bar. Judgemental of Me?? Whatever, I've Been Called Worse...

Food for Thought: The NBA Summer of 2010

I'll be the first to say it: I'm disappointed LeBron left Cleveland. Going into this off-season, it was my hope that would get him a big man in his prime and he would stay and bring championship glory to a city that has been starving for basketball glory so long. But the Cavs couldn't get him the help he needed to stay, so he left to play with his friends in a potential dynasty in Miami. I'm not gonna jump into the Miami bandwagon, neither am I gonna thrown the Molotov cocktail to start the likely riot in Cleveland or Akron. I'm gonna take emotion out of it and reflect. Cuz I learned something from all this. For the first time in a long time, an athlete said "This had nothing to do with money. It's all about winning to me" and I believe him. Staying in Cleveland would've represented the biggest paycheck available and loyalty to his hometown despite not seeming like an immediate opportunity to win; Since Bosh turned down the sign-and-trade that would have brought him to Cleveland, your biggest competition has gotten better and the Cavs roster hasn't. Even if he left Cleveland, playing in New York or Chicago (which both acquired high level big men this off-season) would still represent a chance to win on a team where he's the only big dog and he could build his legacy into that Greatest Player Ever discussion with enough success. Going to Miami, fresh off verbal commitments from Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade, will require bigs sacrifices (including likely taking him out of the Jordan, Magic, Bird category no matter how many rings he gets) but can mean several championships over the next 5-6 years. I know, "super team" and sacrifice don't sound like they should be in the same sentence, let me explain. Due to the upcoming collective bargaining issue, players below the level of LeBron and D-Wade are breaking the bank; whether superstars (Amare-$20 mill a year, Carmelo-$21.7 mill a year extension, Durant - $17 mill a year extension) or even second- or third-tier stars (Joe Johnson- $20 mill a year, Carlos Boozer-$16 mill a year, David Lee - $16 mill a year, etc), they are on track to be making more than Bosh, Wade, or James becuz they are all gonna take multi-million dollar contract concessions (if that's what you wanna call $13 mill a year instead of $20 mill) to fill out the Heats roster around them. Also, becuz the touches r going to b spread around, there will be less stats and glory to go around. Plus, I do believe LeBron when he says that he does truly love Cleveland and Akron. So, it has to hurt to forego any opportunity of going home again. Kobe got boo'd at the All-Star game back in his hometown Philly, but I think he can walk the streets of Philly without bottles flying his direction. LeBron is now right under Art Modell on the 'Cleveland's Most Hated' list. It's only been a few hrs, but the Cavs fan (expectedly) and the Cavs' owner Dan Gilbert (more surprisingly) are lashing out viciously at the former hometown hero; not with much class either. He may not get one restful night's sleep until he actually breaks through and wins a championship. I think that's the only thing that will fully put his mind at ease with this decision. But all in all, the biggest lesson learned was that if unselfish, superstars can sacrifice stats and money to win championships if it's important enough for them. The thought of being the biggest hometown hero but struggling with no big man to beat LA, Miami, n Boston seems to have taken its toll. Furthermore, this concept is so foreign that when it happens the media will have no idea how to respond to it. Jordan got Pippen without a pay cut, Kobe got Pau without a pay cut, etc. This is new territory. Despite how unfair it looks, he proved that winning was most important to him...

Now, to get ignorant for a moment. Forget the fact that the Cavs couldn't seal the deal to get Bosh or other help to Cleveland, the Miami Heat need to thank Delonte "The Mother Fucker, literally" West for getting LeBron also. Whether true or not, rumors about West sleeping with LeBron's mom are so shocking, so hurtful, so distracting that I honestly don't think they could've kept West on that Cavs roster and expected LeBron to come back. Dan Gilbert should'veI don't wanna be on the Cavs bench on the road when the opposing fans start singing "Ms. James, she smashed the homey" to get the Cavs off of their game. If LeBron is the franchise and West did (or even put himself in a situation where ppl might think that he did) smash his mom, Delonte has GOT TO GO. Period. There's nothing he can say to save that situation. And somebody should've called Dan Gilbert and said this "Ay Dan, lemme start by saying I love the Byron Scott hire. BUT, No new big man has arrived and Delonte hasn't left, we may be in deep shit right now." Where r ur friends when u need em?? Just sayin, it's Food for Thought...

Food for Thought: Independence Day 2010

Happy 4th of July to all. I know, I'm a few days late but I've been inebriated and everywhere accept home for the past 3 or 4 days so please excuse my tardiness. Although many people, like the crew I was partying and having fun with all weekend, simply use this holiday as another excuse to cook out, watch/light fireworks (legally or illegally), party and drink, a friend of mine inspired me to think about the day a little bit deeper. The legal separation of the colonies from Great Britain actually occurred on July 2, 1776 instead of July 4th. Then the actual signing of the Declaration of Independence wasn't actually completed by all the of the politicians until August 2nd, almost a month later. Furthermore, my African ancestors were still slaves in much of the nation and even after being emancipated in 1865, still didn't receive...no check that, didn't fight, strive and die for anything resembling freedom until centuries after the Declaration of Independence. However, I didn't let the details put a damper on my holiday mood. I decided that I think think all Americans - no matter their race, gender, religion, etc - should use the date as a symbol to celebrate their independence whenever or however it was achieved. Part of the beauty of America is that it is a smorgasbord of ethnicities, backgrounds, and subcultures; all of whom have their own stories of the struggle for independence and acceptance. Close your eyes and try to imagine the "typical American" and I guarantee it's gonna b a combination of a lot of different images. So as much as I can complain about the plight of the young Black man trying to make it in America and my desire to see the world, I can't really see myself living anywhere else. Food for Thought...

Food for Thought: Soccer, Drugs, and Society

Last night, I saw "30 for 30: The Tale of Two Escobars" and it may have been the most intriguing and captivating program I've seen in a long time. It was deep and had many layers to it. In light of the World Cup being the biggest topic in the world right now, I figured I needed to share with the world. That message is how a beloved drug lord and his love for soccer held a country together and how his demise and that of the soccer team allowed the country to fall into all out anarchy. Pablo Escobar (pictured), one of the baddest men to ever walk the Earth, became a Robin Hood figure and champion to the poor in his country. Unlike American druglords who give back to the community, he was not killing his own people as most of his business took place in the US and abroad; he controlled 80% of the world's drug trade at one point. Despite him being a druglord named the 7th richest man in the world by Forbes (valued over $25 billion), he built up low-income housing, hospitals, schools, churches, and most applicably, a world class soccer facility and team. Soccer was his love and he built their team into the 4th-ranked in the world, the South American champion (yeah, they beat powerhouses Brazil and Argentina by a combined 8-0) and a World Cup qualifier for the first time in a generation; the hopes of the country rode on the shoulders of Pablo's national soccer team and their also beloved captain Andres Escobar (pictured below, no relation). Pablo became above the law, he got extradition illegalized, got elected to public office, and more until regular enforcement couldn't do anything. After the national team qualified and started preparing for the 1994 World Cup in the USA, Pablo's enemies took matters into their own hands. They formed the PEPEs (translated to "People Prosecuted by Pablo Escobar"), basically when Pablo was on the run his opposing cartel went to everyone who worked for him and said "We want Pablo dead. Either join in and work for us, or die." After they blew up a few target buildings and started a few small riots, people started laying down instead of fighting the PEPEs. They decided they were gonna terrorize the whole country until they got him. Well, the Columbian National Police, in the pocket of the PEPEs, finally found and killed Pablo when some of his closest allies turned against him. However, the society fell into a state of pure anarchy, widespread violence everywhere. Without the Big Boss, everybody wanted to be their own boss and they didn't have rules like he did. Pablo at his height had so much pull that anyone who wanted to do something illegal had to ask his permission or pay the consequences, he strictly forbid kidnapping or killing of people who weren't involved in the criminal underworld. With him gone, random people were being killed and kidnapped all over the place, including the families and friends of the National soccer team. So this society, which had so much hope riding on the soccer team sabotaged their tournament as their minds were on everything back home and nowhere near soccer. One of the tournament favorites, they lost 2 games and didn't make it out of the first round. Andres Escobar, one of the best and most respected players, had an own goal again the US in rout to a loss. Upon returning to Colombia, Andres was heckled by PEPE underlings about the own goal in a bar and eventually murdered in the parking lot after the verbal dispute continued. The overall state of the violence in society and its effect on the players' families coupled the murder of Andres effectively tore the soccer team apart. Players vowed to only play over in Europe, others quit the sport entirely. Colombia deteriorated in every aspect afterwards and was in shambles for the next few years. As much blame as Pablo gets for Colombia's violent culture of this time period, his wrath was calculated and involved only those involved in the underworld. With him gone and the soccer team losing, it spread to everyone. There were over 7000 murders in one year (compare that with Chicago's one year high of 943 in 1992, highest in the US in decades), many were regular citizens and over 600 were cops. How telling is it that Pablo's firm criminal order, his overwhelming generosity to the poor, and the success of the National Team he built kept his community together at the time where it was a potential powder keg? And by taking Pablo out, they sabotaged Andres's soccer team and threw the country into a tail spin. Food for Thought...

Dear US, please NEVER legalize marijuana

During my recent trip back to Atlanta, I spent a lot of time around college mates of mine, mostly fellow athletes, who smoke weed (AKA midget) multiple times a day (breakfast, lunch and dinner) now that they're out of school. The most excited I've ever seen one of my friends is when he found out the club had a patio where he could 'barbeque.' I can now say most definitively that I hope the US never legalizes weed. Don't get my wrong, weed is not killing people (noone overdoses or gets cancer from weed) and everyday weed smoking isn't really a big deal in a legal sense anymore. But, I'm truly afraid of how unproductive and unintelligent our society may become if everyone is allowed to 'bake' whenever and wherever they feel like it. The argument for weed is that it would provide a tremendous financial boost if managed correctly and the government could regulate it and eliminate deaths caused by lacing and dipping the marijuana. Police could spend money focused on other the other corrupt shit that they do (Oops, did I say that out loud?). Also, I've heard people say smoking makes them very alert and can help them focus deeply on a particular task at hand. However, high people tend to get immensely paranoid and jumpy. Their logical conversation and reasoning turns to shit. Their depth perception while driving is about as good as Mr. Magoo's. Noone would eat full meals anymore, people would just alternate snacking, smoking, and napping all day every day. People have enough complaints about the workforce and how slack some workers are, imagine what that's gonna turn into. What if ur 911 operators were allowed to come to work right after smoking an ounce, u think that conversation is gonna be coherent? It'll go like this "Send help, I've been shot." Operator: "Really...damn...that shit sounds painful. I got a friend who got shot and...", your help ain't gonna make it anytime soon. I'd hate to think about high cooks and waiters in restaurants. People with stressful jobs either spazzing out or going "fuck it" and not caring. IRS accountants fucking up tax numbers. The list goes on and they're all bad. Every sidewalk, apartment complex, swimming pool area, public outdoor area, and unregulated indoor public area will smell like weed 24/7. Febreze can't always get that out. So legislative bodies of America, please hear my plea. Nowadays getting weed and smoking weed are easy enough, so there is no need to turn everyone's "secret pleasure" into the legalized past time and reason for the demise of social intelligence and efficiency in our country. As hilarious as weed commercials could possibly be, I'll pass. We can do without the paperwork, they'd probably just use it to roll up in the Capital anyway. Am I ant-weed, not necessarily. But say what u want, I've Been Called Worse...

Broadening My Horizons

It's now official. This fall I will be doing an internship in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for up to a year. I feel that learning to function on your own while stepping out of your comfort zone ur own person. It's too easy to stay within your comfort zone (your parents' house, your hometown, somewhere you're surrounded by poeple you know, etc.) is essential to growing up and becoming your own man. All I needed was an opportunity. AIESEC, an exchange and internship program and the biggest student run organization in the world, has given me that opportunity. I originally wanted to go to either Europe or South America. Malaysia came out of left field, but upon doing research on the place, I think it will be a great experience. I'll be working within my degree field, working with people from different regions of the world and learning another culture. Not to mention they sell EVERYTHING crazy cheap (I've been asked to bring back high grade weave for a friend) and its near to Japan, China, Singapore, and Australia for visits. Hopefully the humidity and monsoon season aren't too much to handle. Life's an adventure and a story, I hope this is a wonderful upcoming chapter of mine...

P.S. Don't worry tho, I've Been Called Worse will continue from overseas. My mission will remain to entertain or enlighten no matter what continent, time zone, hemisphere, or even planet I should be blogging from

The World Cup

Masterful, simply masterful. I can't think of a better way to promote the 2010 FIFA World Cup. This is one of the few International soccer events that truly captivated millions in America even though they know very little about the teams (including the USA) that are competing this year. The event holds even more prestige this year due to the rich history (good and bad) and how sports helped to ease race relations in that country decades ago. Gotta love it. I tip my hat to you Nike...

Are They Serious: Outta Control Call of Duty Commercial

The TV version is about the funniest commercial I'd seen in a while. This is the extended and even wilder version with a different old man. I kinda felt dirty even laughin at the sexual innuendo of this one cuz he goes over the top a couple of times. "Some people do it for too long and their hands cramp up." LOL had I been a young child or elderly person, I may have lost control and pissed myself laughing. Reminds me of that dirty old man from the movie "Road Trip" that was knockin over his wife's figurines with his ragin Viagara boner. Thoroughly outta control. Am I sick? It's possible, but I've Been Called Worse. U still can't deny the hilarity...

Do Better: Rihanna, A Rare Miss

I didn't think I'd ever have to call this person out for a violation; or at least not until well in the future for getting older and chunky but still trying to wear her sexy outfits or something of that nature. Unfortunately, the first Rihanna Do Better segment has arrived. She's always been someone who pushed the envelope as far as fashion and accessories. She had made it into the category with Erykah Badu where I would endorse pretty much anything she does despite how far from the norm. But this, the bowl cut, I can not give the stamp of approval too. She looks like Tugg Speedman's "Simple Jack" character from "Tropic Thunder." And Simple Jack was not just retarded, but a full retard; noone to be mimicked by any standards. So that's not a compliment. I don't even mind it being Kool Aid red, cuz she's fine and fiesty enough to work that. But the bald, taperless, homemade scissor looking bowl cut isn't quite acceptable. Despite her career declining significantly since the domestic violence incident, her fashion game has usually still been completely on point to compliment the fact that she's fine (absolutely certified banger despite the big forehead and big feet) and has swag. It's a dark day for me having to call her out. But luckily she changes up often so I have confidence that the situation will soon be rectified and back to normal which I look forward to. Rihanna, u're a unique island beauty and trend setter, u're capable of much more. Do Better. I know, I sound crazy criticizing Rihanna while I still hold her in just high regard. But whatever, as u know, I've Been Called Worse...

The Motor City 2010

For the first time as an adult, I spent some time In Detroit (albeit not for a reason that I'd like to have been there, I made the best of it though) and came away with some interesting opinions about the once great city and its inhabitants. I have a laundry list of observations about the city:

• It saddens me that the city, once among the manufacturing and production powerhouses in the world, so downtrodden. There are stretches of city blocks where 60-70% of business are out of business. Restaurants, specialty shops, used car dealerships, everything
• The city has lost almost half of its population due to the lost of large chunks of its largest industry which is automobile manufacturing. I'd venture out and say that no city depends as heavily on one industry as Detroit relies on the American automobile industry.
• My 45-year old second cousin, who was raised in inner city Detroit, moved to the distant suburbs and refuses to go back into the inner city citing the violence and hopelessness; he even called it the "Wild Wild West." He spoke about the 1976 building of the Renaissance Building, the most distinctive building in the Detroit skyline. While renaissance means rebirth or change, he said he hasn't seen an ounce of change in the city and has finally lost hope. This is saddening to hear from a native.
  
• However, despite all the turmoil the industry has been under, I was delighted to see the art of production at the Ford Rouge River plant (where every F-150 is built). Watching the assembly line work in a fluid, rhythmical way was almost therapeutic and gave me renewed respect for Ford and their attempts to change things to make their products competitive again. I almost wanna buy an F-150, but gas is still not cheap enough for that. They've also incorporated green aspects into the structure such as the "living roof," special vegetation used for rejuvenation of a former junkyard, and solar energy use where appropriate.
• I gained a new respect for Henry Ford. Although he neither invented the automobile or the assembly line, he forged the two into a modern marvel of production and industry. He had a huge had in building Detroit itself. The city's hospitals and casino would not be what they are without his influence. Also, his influence created the residential sectors of Dearborn and Inkster so his workers would be able to live closer to their jobs.
• For the short Do Better advice for Detroit, I have to single out the 25 and over crowd which is not acting its age. My cousin, an attractive, hard-working, and ambitious 37 year old woman, told me she hasn't been able to get serious with anyone in her lifetime in Detroit because she can't find someone her age who has charm, goals, and education to be compatible with her. I didn't understand and then I went out to a club and bar at a casino and I see why now. I've never seen so many 25-35 year old men wearing beaters as actual shirts. As if they stood in the mirror and said to themselves "I'm feeling myself so much that I refuse to even put a shirt on." And to counter that, many also refused to take their do-rags off to come in public; they were it to make the hair look nice and then don't wanna show it off? Coonery. Hell, my 22-year old cousin that took me to the casino said that my outfit - a short sleeve Polo button-up, jeans, and Pumas - was much more dressy that the usual attire even at 21 and older spots; sad enough on its own. And this one 30-somethin guy in a 5XL Obama shirt was sufficiently embarrassing himself on the dance floor for about 25 minutes straight. I was ashamed for the ladies of Detroit. Do Better...

The economic downturn and collapse of the America auto industry has been as detrimental to Detroit as Hurricane Katrina has been to New Orleans. The economic recovery necessary in Motown seems to be as large as the rebuilding effort needed to resurrect the the Crescent City. I hope that the city can rise above all the turmoil and reinvent itself; it needs to truly harness some of that rebirth the Renaissance building was supposed to represent almost 35 years ago. Not to mention, the grown ups need to act like grown up too. Motown, you're capable of so much more, act like it. Do Better...